Mary M. Redoutey's Blog

2011-11-25T22:58:00.000-08:00

It is oh so tempting to keep on working after hours and to keep on staying up and doing things around the house when one really needs to get some sleep.

Yet this kind of behavior sometimes has adverse health consequences.

It is better to honor the body's need for rest rather than pushing yourself beyond your natural tiredness. You may work better on what you are working on if you get some sleep.

Breathe!

2011-11-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

Remember, you are here and now alive.
You are not in yesterday or in tomorrow.

Be in the now moment fully.

Breathe.

When things like crowds of holiday shoppers bother you... please refrain from pulling out the pepper spray as one woman in Los Angeles did at a store today. Instead, just breathe.

Remind yourself that everything is okay as it is.
You are alright and can relax and just be in the moment.

Once you do this, you may just find yourself coming up with some really good ideas.
You may find yourself in a state that some people call the "flow state" a state of heightened awareness and energy where the better ideas come easily.

Your being upset and stressed out just makes you tense. You may come up with good ideas but not without a struggle when you are not relaxed.

Breathe.

Life is a rose garden...

2011-11-25T20:11:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid , I heard someone singing, "I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes." After hearing those words, I thought for a moment and penned the words above... They remain true today.

Life is indeed a rose garden. Some days you gather roses and other days you gather thorns. No one knows if the thorns you gather today, the things that give you pain today, will become the roses or the things that give you joy, in the future, or if today's roses, the good times you experience, will become the thorns, the bad times that you will have to deal with later.

Is this a bad thing or a good thing?
I would say it is, in the end, a good thing...
even if it does not always look like it.

Sure, we would like the sun to always shine and everything that we gather to be roses, but if that happened we might not appreciate the roses as much. We, who have gathered plenty of thorns in our lives know their value... after the fact.

When a job loss happens, when someone we love dies or divorces us, when we find out that we have an illness and have to work hard to cure it, when we face a large task and don't know how to deal with it, or when we face any number of not so good life experiences, we deal with the thorns of life. We feel the sharpness of the pain of these experiences... That pain stinks. It is true. I will not tell you otherwise.

Life is not always easy. Something there are very painful times. Yet these times do not come without leaving a gift in their stead.

I have seen many people who have experience pain change that pain into something that made them better, stronger, and more loving people..

I am remembering now a mother whose son was killed. She was in a lot of pain after losing her son yet she did not just stay in that place of pain, she turned it into fuel for something else. She decided that no other mother should have to deal with the same pain and worked hard to form a group of women who had also lost sons in her area. She then planned to work with the political leaders in her area to reduce the gang violence that had claimed her son.

Another person I knew was born in poverty, was abandoned by his mother who was an alcoholic,was abused as a child, became a Marine and fought overseas, became an alcoholic and an abuser and seemed to be stuck in that until some elders , older people who were, like him, Native Americans, came into the bar where he was working as a bar tender and, with much love and compassion, told him, "What are you doing? You are sacred, etc. " From those elders, he learned about how everyone is inter-connected and related to everyone and everything else that exists. He learned about his responsibility for everything that happened in his life. He said "later" to the alcohol. He became a marriage and family therapist, a minister, and a professor at a local university despite the fact that he was dyslexic. He became a person who protected the women and the children in the community. He attained 25 years of sobriety. He chose to adopt many people whom he met as his relatives. And when he reached the age of 69 he said, " I look back now at my life, the times of being abandoned, of being abused and molested, the times of fighting, etc. I look back at my whole life and I would not change a thing because everything that I experienced made me who I am today. And I like who I am today."

There are so many other stories I could tell you about real people who encountered adversity and who chose to turn that adversity into something that helped themselves grow as people and into something that inspired them to help others who were going through adversity as well.

If you are going through a hard time now, trust me when I tell you that it will get better. Do reach out and get help if you need it.

If you need a therapist and are in Southern California, then you can ask for me at Family Service of Long Beach, at (562) 493-1496. Family Service of Long Beach offers a variety of services: counseling by Ph.D level therapists, counseling by marriage and family therapists and licensed clinic social workers and counseling by interns and trainee therapists who work under the supervision of a licensed psychologist. The fees at the clinic are very reasonable. The clinic takes insurance, cash and credit.

Many people have been helped by Family Services of Long Beach to go through difficult life events and problems and to create lives filled with love and happiness. I would be more than happy to work with you there to help you do the same.

I have been licensed since 1991 as a marriage and family therapist and have much experience companioning people through stressful times and helping them have more workplace success, happier families, and better life experiences.

My wish for you today, is that you have a life filled with all that helps you to be in the long run the happiest.

Peace to you and much joy too.

In case you need an excuse...

2011-11-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

Take time to be kind!

2011-11-25T10:28:00.000-08:00

There is, indeed, always time to be kind.
But that does not mean that being kind is always easy.

Sometimes being kind takes some effort.
It takes a bit of effort, when one is preoccupied with life challenges, to help others who have problems.

It takes effort for a parent to refrain from saying or doing something harmful to a child when that child is standing in a store screaming at the top of his or her lungs in the midst of a full fledged tantrum over something that the parent cannot afford or will not purchase.

It takes effort to be kind when one's spouse or significant other does not do what is expected of them, i.e... when they get too busy to fix dinner, when they don't get around to fixing the car, when they don't call when they are supposed to call, when they are late getting home, when they throw clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, when they overload the credit card buying lots of nice Christmas gifts for family members instead of saving money, when they quit their job without notice, when they toss wedding rings in the garbage without knowing it, when they crash the family car, when they forget to use the magic words of "Please" and "Thank you," etc.

It takes effort to be kind... to remember to show affection, to say "I love you!" and to show it by other kind words and actions. It takes an effort to say the words, "Thank you." And, when things do not go the way one would wish, it takes effort to say, "I am sorry. Please forgive me." Saying, "I forgive you" takes even more effort.

Being kind does take some effort...
Yet when you are kind to someone else, as long as the kindness is not seen as an obligation or as being overwhelming, you are being kind to yourself too.

There have been many studies that indicate that when you are generous and have kind feelings towards others, your mental and physical health often improves and that doing kind acts often helps people feel better and happier.

Take some time today to be kind.
You may just find that it makes you feel much happier!

Life can only get better!

2011-11-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Can you relate to this picture? Are you feeling like you are at the bottom now and the only place you can go now is up?
If so, congratulations!

You might be wondering why I say, "Congratulations!" Well, the truth is that if you believe that things can only get better then you have already made big progress towards your goal of getting out of the slump.

Your attitude is important. What you say to yourself is especially important! I cannot stress that enough: What you say to yourself is very important! It can boost your morale or make you feel even worse.

If you tell yourself that things will get better, you will hold on long enough to make it so.

Congratulations to you!

Things will get better. You can count on it!

Happiness is an inside job... Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

2011-11-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

You can indeed be happy even when the sky is cloudy...

There is no need to let external circumstances affect your mood if you do not want to.

Your mood is often determined by what you think about things...

If it is cloudy or even rainy out, you can choose to think of it as a good experience or as a bad experience. You can relish and even celebrate the rain or you can hate it. It is all up to you and how you want to deal with the rain.

It is the same for other experiences as well. You choose how you will feel by what you think. You are that powerful. Please, avoid telling yourself otherwise.

I know that there are lots of songs out there that will tell you, "You make me feel," "The way he makes me feel," etc. To believe that another person can make you feel something reduces you into a puppet or into a marionette being manipulated. You are a human being and not a puppet or a marionette. Take back your power to feel what you choose.

If you don't like what you are feeling, think about what you are experiencing differently.
If you don't like your job, think about a worse job that you could have and be thankful that you do not have that job. If you don't have a job, think about what it would be like to have a condition even worse and be thankful that you don't have that condition... Somehow adding a little gratitude to the mix of feelings lightens dark moods a lot.

Look around you, and find reasons to be thankful... There are some people who make Gratitude Boxes by nicely decorating shoe boxes. They then get a stack of index cards and a pen or pencil and place it next to their gratitude box. Then every day, when they are feeling happy and thankful, they write on the index cards about the nice, the beautiful, the fun, the amazing and wonderful things that have happened during the day.

Some write down how beautiful the sunset was, how glad they are to have eyes to see it, how happy they were when they saw a friend, how wonderful it was to have the rain stop so they could go to an outdoor event, how great it was to be hugged by their loved one, how wonderful it was to be able to hold someone's hand, how wonderful it is to be able to talk and hear, how great it was to be able to hear the radio or watch television, how they liked the "skin on tapioca pudding," how they savored that last piece of chocolate, how wonderful it felt to stand under that nice warm shower... They write down anything that made them feel happy, content, peaceful, tender, in awe, momentarily pleased, hopeful, joyful, elated, loving, etc.

Once they write down the things that brought them even a bit of joy the put their filled out index cards inside the box. And when it is a dark or cloudy day emotionally, they start reading the cards and remind themselves of their past experiences of being thankful and happy. If they are capable of reliving these experiences in some detail, they often find that their mood lifts.

The same thing can be done with a Gratitude Book... I know of one woman who gave all of her sisters a beautiful blank book which was carefully inscribed with these words: "Write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for every day." She did this because she knew that it worked well to elevate her mood and she wanted her sisters to feel joyful too.

Happiness is an inside job. No one can make you happy except yourself.

I wish you happiness knowing that it is within you already.

May you choose to enjoy this day! :)

The plumeria plant and its lessons about patience and hope

2010-11-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

We all have situations where we wish we had more control of things...
I had one on my front porch...
I had this Plumeria plant that someone had given to me in gratitude and in friendship and for many years it just did not bloom.
I watered it. I nurtured it but...
still no blooms...

I must admit that I did grow impatient. I also experienced some envy because my neighbor's had plumeria plants that were blooming a lot... I jokingly asked her if I could bring my plant over to her plumeria plants "for blooming lessons." We both laughed about my poor plumeria plant's lack of blooms.

I always admired the beautiful green leaves of my plant but did long for flowers so much that I eventually purchased some pretty pink silk flowers to put in the flower pot along with the plant. I joked to my neighbor that by doing this I was "giving my plant blooming lessons".

Time passed. The seasons changed... I got used to the idea of a flowerless plumeria plant...

Then,one day, something happened...

I noticed these little red things forming on a small green stalk... They were buds.

It seemed that finally, my care and attention had paid off... The plumeria was actually going to bloom...

I smiled when the first flower started opening up and I noticed that its color seemed to be very close to the pink color of the silk flowers that I had put into the flower pot next to my plumeria plant... This was very unusual because the person who had given me the plumeria plant had said that the flowers would be most likely white or yellow.

The blooming of my plumeria plant taught me, once again, the need to be patient with the process of growing... in plumeria plants and in people...

We are like plumerias plants in that we must go through stages of growing. We mature at our own speed and take time to develop new skills, to bloom fully, and to see the realization of our cherished dreams and aspirations.

My experience with the plumeria plant taught me to maintain hope... I watered that plant for years hoping that it would bloom... And also about the element of the surprise space... because new growth often happens when we least expect it. We may appear as if we are dormant, stuck orunable to learn or be what we want to become... And yet, beneath the surface, there is something inside of all of us which is pushing us towards new growth and towards the development into our fullest potentials.

The blooming of the plumeria plant brought a lot of joy to me and to others too because I gave away a lot of the blooms to my family and friends.

And after those blooms were gone, still other blooms came and went... All of them were uniquely beautiful...

The plumeria tree is back to its bloomless state again...

And yet I know that when the time is right for it, the plumeria plant will bloom yet again.

And I know that you and I will bloom fully too, each of us in our own perfect time... of that I am certain.

Beyond genetics, pre-birth and its effects

2010-11-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

Some say that when we come here to Earth we are like the face above, devoid of anything except raw potential... And yet the truth is that even as little babies we all had our own temperments, tendencies, and even our own likes and dislikes...

When we were conceived, we each received some characteristics from our mothers and fathers. Yet we are not solely the result of genetic factors...
There is something else that was at play as well...
In truth, even if all of the siblings in a family have the same two people as mothers and fathers they can be said to have had different parents as far as their interuterine environment goes.

We all experienced the effects of foods and drinks consumed by our mothers and were affected by the amount of nutrition we received. The effects of this prenatal nutrition are said to last well into adulthood. Research has shown that babies who are born with low birth weights are at a higher risk of getting diabetes and high blood pressure related heart disease and kidney disease and will have to carefully monitor their nutritional status to avoid these conditions as they mature while those who have high birth weights at birth may have a higher risk for developing breast cancer as adults. And, of course, it is well known that exposure to drugs and alcohol in the interuterine environment can cause major problems which can last well into adulthood.

We have all also experienced the effects of hormones in our interuterine environment. We can still see the effects of that exposure by looking at our fingers. Studies have shown that the length of our ring fingers and our index fingers in proportion to our middle fingers is heavily influenced by the amount of testoserine or estrogen in the womb. And this early exposure to those hormones is said to be responsible for our mathematical, spacial and musical skills or verbal and language skills, hetrosexuality or homosexuality, and even our predisposition for diseases like heart disease, breast cancer, autism, dyslexia, etc. http://viewzone2.com/fingersx.html

Our fingerprints developed in the womb... Each one developed in response to the ebbs and flows within the amniotic fluid and in response too from touching the walls of our mother's womb. Our fingerprints remain a lasting testiment to our uniqueness as individuals as even identical twins have different fingerprints.

It is, to me, amazing and wonderful to contemplate the wonderous nature of our development as individuals... even prior to our experiencing the many life events which contribute to our individual life histories.

It is amazing to me that with all of our differences we still somehow manage to relate to each other, to get along with each other and to understand each other as well as we do most of the time... It is really quite a miracle when you come to think of it.

Gotta get some sleep... and what to do when you can't

2010-03-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

When night comes, sometimes there is an inability to sleep...
Thoughts of the past, present and future mingle in a strange night time world.

Worries, fears, regrets, sadness, and a anger and frustration at still being awake when others are sleeping are quite common.

At these times, you want there to be someone else who is awake to talk with, someone home to share with...

And when you are alone, the thoughts of distractions from the lack of sleep come. Some people go to the late night movies. Some people read books. Some people get up and do chores. Some people pray. Some just lie awake in bed and hope for the best and others curse in the darkness.

Those who cannot sleep well are under a big tent.According to the National Center for Sleep Disorders Research at the National Institutes of Health, about 30-40% of adults say they have some symptoms of insomnia within a given year, and about 10-15 percent of adults say they have chronic insomnia. And, children and teenagers sometimes experience insomnia too.

The obvious causes of a lack of sleep are things like late night radio or television shows, excessive Twittering or IPoding, Facebook or My Space game playing, scary movies before bedtime, good books, excessive chanting or praying, getting into late night arguments with the spouse or your child, going to Denny's for late night munching, etc. Delaying the sleep time until the wee hours of the morning will not make you get enough sleep.

If your bed is saggy or as hard as a rock and you feel uncomfortable just lying on it, then how do you expect to get some sleep? Make your bed comfortable for goodness sake.

If your room is cold enough to make your head and feet feel like ice cubes or hot enough to make you think that you are in the oven roasting like a potato you might find that sleep is hard to find. Make the temperature comfortable for yourself... Some say that people sleep better if it is a little cooler but frankly it is a matter of preference as some people like to sleep in hot houses.

Too much light in your room can interfere with your sleep as can too much noise... And yet, there are those who will be able to sleep no matter what lights and sounds are in their rooms. (I don't like a lot of light in my room but honestly do not mind the noise or the vibration from the trains that pass by as I am rather used to them. I am so used to them going past that I do not flinch even when there is a 3.0 earthquake as I assume it is just another train.)

Eating spicy foods just before bedtime, can indeed lead to gastric distress when you try to sleep. And drinking liquids close to bedtime or coffee and tea in the evening, can indeed cause excessive urination which will not contribute to sleep either.

One of my old teachers recommended that people have some warm milk before bed... He said to make sure that there was skin on that milk so that one then would be consuming the naturally occurring Tryptophan, that amino acid that gives turkey its sleepy time inducing effects. According to Wikipedia, other Tryptophan sources include: chocolate, oats, durians, mangoes, dried dates, yogurt, cottage cheese, red meat, eggs, fish, poultry, sesame, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, spirulina, and peanuts.
Consuming some of these foods in your evening meal or evening snack if you persist, like me, in staying up a little late, does help induce sleep.

Having a regular wake time and sleep time are highly recommended by most sleep clinic professionals. One told me that the best advice that he could give me to give to my clients was to tell them to get up and get out of bed and then to immediately get dressed and go outside into the morning sunlight and get that sunlight on their face and exposed skin to set their body clock. (Light boxes in the morning work well too if you are in an area that does not get enough morning light.)I later learned that this was good for a lot of people who have a hard time getting to sleep. For those who have a hard time staying asleep at night, sometimes walking at sunset and getting that last sunlight works well too.

If these obvious fixes do not work... Then look at your thoughts and feelings... Are you anxious about something? Is there anything you can do about it in the day time so that you will not have to worry about at night? Would writing it down on a piece of paper or talking about it with a trusted friend or therapist help to ease your mind?

Are you feeling sad and regretful or depressed about the events of the past? Do you need help to forgive yourself or others or to find the treasures in the past painful experiences?

If you have a hard time getting to sleep, then anxiety is normally the culpret in your sleep problems. If you have a hard time staying asleep and wake up in the middle of the night or in the wee hours of the morning, then suspect that you are perhaps more depressed than anxious.

Whether you are having anxiety or depression, getting some help from a licensed mental health professional like a marriage and family therapist like myself could help you.

If there does not seem to be an emotional cause for your difficulty sleeping and if you have ruled other things out, then start looking at your medications...
According to the National Sleep Foundation website,
Medication for the following conditions can trigger insomnia:
"•colds and allergies
•high blood pressure
•heart disease
•thyroid disease
•birth control
•asthma
•pain medications
•depression (especially SSRI antidepressants)"

Pain is a big cause of sleeplessness as are menapausal night sweats, menses, pregnancy, restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea. Talk with your health care professional if you believe that there are physical causes of your sleep problems and ask for a sleep study to rule out things like sleep apnea or other sleep problems as they can really adversely impact the health.

Please refrain from taking sleep medications without exploring other options first. If you are on sleep medications already, the National Sleep foundation said, "Talk to your doctor about the possible side effects of taking hypnotics, such as morning sedation, memory problems, headaches, sleepwalking and a night or two of poor sleep after stopping the medication."

Refrain too from using drugs or alcohol to get to sleep as these will not help you get the rest you need in the long run and could in the end prove more problematic to you than insomnia ever could be.

I am wishing you a good night's sleep and a happy arising in the morning.

Life is a school

2010-03-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

It has long been said that life is a school... And I believe this to be true.

We are always learning and always growing in our skills and abilities...

Some children and adolescents are in a big hurry to grow up because they think that when they get older they will be able to do whatever they want. When these children and adolescents come to see me with their parents for counseling, I talk to them about the rules that people who live in an apartment have to follow, like: "You can't make a lot of noise. You have to pay rent. You have to respect your neighbors. You can't just leave things outside,"etc.

Then, I talk to them about having to follow the rules at the office, having to deal with people who are not always nice and having to do what you are told. I ask their parents to tell them something about their jobs and the rules that they have to follow and their supervisors treatment of them... It sometimes comes as a big shock to the young people that they will always have to follow rules, even once they move out on their own.

If they are 16 or older and wanting to get a job but struggling in school, I tell them that their job now is to do well in school. Their grades are their salaries earned from doing their classwork and homework. They then feel a bit better about their role as students.

I often tell the children and adolescents this secret: "If you want to have more time to play or to do what you want, then get your chores and homework done quickly and well before you are asked to do them. And if your parents tell you to something, do it quickly...otherwise you will just have them coming to you over and over again... 'Did you do that yet?'' Why are you just sitting there when I told you to?' and will not be able to enjoy yourself at all."

I often tell the adolescents and children some things that are obvious to adults...
I tell them that their parents were once young people like themselves and that they sometimes feel like adolescents and younger at times.

I also tell them their parents love them and have done the best they could given the fact that they did not get parented the way that they should have and given the fact that the adolescents did not come with any operating instructions...

You'd be surprised how many young people are surprised to hear these things... They are often so caught up in thinking of their parents as "parents" and not as people like themselves.

The most important thing that I tell children and adolescents is this: "your parents, your grandparents and caretakers love you."

"They may yell at you sometimes because they get tired of having to tell you over and over again things like: "Get out of bed is time to get up!" "Turn off that TV!"
"Make your bed." "Eat your breakfast." "Get dressed please!" "We have to hurry or we are going to be late... Get moving." "I expect you to be at home at 3 p.m. and no later." "Call me if you go anywhere.""You cannot have boys (or girls) in the house when I am gone." "It is time to go to school, did you do your homework?"

I tell the children and adolescents, "your parents do this because they love you and want you to grow up to be an adult... to be able to take care of yourself well... They tell you to do chores so that you will learn how to take care of yourself. They want you to know how to wash your dishes, wash your clothes, cook a meal, write a check, budget your money, and meet your adult responsibilities... so that you will be happy, healthy and successful as an adult.

"That is their job and it is not an easy one... They are not perfect at it but they love you enough to try. If they did not teach you these things; if they never nagged at you, told you to do things or taught you things, that would be a clear sign that they either did not care about you or just that they had no idea how to be a good enough parent.

You see, parents are never perfect. They do their best. And I am asking you to do your best just as they are doing their best. If they do something you like, please let them know as that would help them feel better by saying "thank you." Hug your parents and tell them you love them."

Then I tell the parents...

"It is better to speak softly and even to whisper instead of yelling if you want to be listened to as your kids often tune you out when you yell. Be kind to your children.

Praising your children when they do good and rewarding good behavior helps to improve their behavior. Writing down their chores on a chore chart and rewarding compliance helps too.

Asking them to immediately empty their back packs and reorganize them when they arrive home helps them do better in school and might just help them remember to do their homework.

Putting an in and out box in the house where they can put their homework assignments to be checked by you and their permission slips and other communications from the school that have to be signed or read as soon as they walk in the door sure beats finding out things in the morning when you are too rushed to do anything.

It is wiser to let your child or adolescent go to Science Camp or to have the other educational outings that the school goes on than to deny them as these things do impact the school grade.

If your child is sick, do let them stay home but insure that the school is called and that the teachers are contacted so that homework can be obtained and work that is due can be turned in.

If there is a school loop, use it. If not, contact your child's teacher on a regular basis just to insure that your child is getting the best education possibile and that he or she is doing what he or she should do, like going to class,etc.

If you are drinking alcohol or using drugs, you might want to quit that and show your child your struggle in doing so as otherwise you may wind up having a child who abuses drugs or alcohol too.

Do spend time with your children that is not scolding time... Play with your children. Read with your children. Help your children with their homework without completing it for them."

These are just some of the things that I teach my clients in sessions.

And I always remember that I am in this school learning too.

Get help when you need it.

2010-03-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Life seems to come with its share of storms and troubles... A person loses a job and has diffculty finding a new one. A person is ill and in need of medical attention. A person loses a relative and is in mourning...

We all go through these storms and at times all of us will need to seek help from others to cope with them better.

Whether you get help from a medical doctor, a priest or minister, a trusted elder, a friend, a family member or you get help from a licensed marriage and family therapist, please feel free to get help when you need it.

There is no reason to avoid getting help... There are low cost community clinics to help you deal with your medical issues and these sometimes offer free health care under State programs for cancer prevention etc.

And if you need mental health care and cannot afford it, Family Service of Long Beach and other non profit clinics offer lower than normal fees and take most insurance plans too.

Harmonica in Watson's ... the gift of gratitude

2010-02-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2270/1503152354_4e7990bb58.jpg

I went to Watson's Drug Store awhile back with my friend, and while we were there, we were surprised to see an elderly man in a wheelchair finish eating his meal and begin to play the harmonica.

The first song the elderly harmonica player played was "When Irish eyes are smiling." I smiled and thought of my mother as this song was played as she was 100% Irish American and proud of it. My friend, Mary P. smiled too and thought the song was played for her as she is part Irish too.

The other songs played were: "Cheek to Cheek", "God Bless America" etc.

He played that harmonica well and flawlessly. He brought joy to all of the people in that 50s style diner/ice cream fountain/drug store.

I was impressed with his playing as it was so sure, so well done...

I was even more impressed with his courage.

The harmonica player was older, in a wheelchair, in a restaurant filled with people and he sat at his table, part of the time with his wife, and part of the time alone as she browsed in the store, and played without any apparent self consciousness or nerviousness.

It was amazing to me as I don't know if I would have had the courage to just stand up in a restaurant and sing without being invited and as I don't think many people have the courage that it would take to get up and play their instruments, dance, sing, or whatever, without that invitation either... but he played without an invitation and it was okay, actually it was more than okay. It was wonderful.

I think that all of the diners were happy that he played for them... His courage and wonderful harmonica playing were rewarded...

When he took a short break from his playing, a teen or twenty-something woman dressed in a pull over bedecked with tiger ears and tiger stripes, got up from her table, walked over to him, told him, "Thank you. That was good." And gave him a hug. He smiled. She said, "Goodbye." And he continued playing.

It seemed like they both exchanged wonderful gifts --- He, the gift of his music and the pleasure of playing an instrument which he loved, and she, the gift of her gratitude.

I later thanked him too but knew that the "Thank you" from that young woman, full of feeling, meant a lot more as it was so unexpected and so refreshing... as he could not have expected that a young woman dressed in a tiger pullover would rush over to give him a hug nor could he expect to receive the fullness of her gratitude... It was priceless.

I remember now, that harmonica player... who perhaps can be an inspiration for you and I about courage... As even with physical challenges and old age, he did show up and play... He did not use his age or his disability as an excuse. Nor did he allow them to make him glum and self-centered... No, he instead shared his talents freely and fully... And the world was richer for it.

Will we choose to live fully too... and to share ourselves in good ways with the world? Will we have the courage to create... to play, to sing, to write, to draw, to dance, to speak, to act, to sew, to knit, to make jewelry, to make pottery, to design buildings, to do computer assisted art and drafting... To share ourselves creatively with the world? I am hoping so.

I am also hoping that we are all able to appreciate the people that enter into our lives, if only for a moment, and that we express that appreciation verbally and/or in writing because it does mean a lot...

Life is wonderful.

Creativity enriches life.

Gratitude is priceless.

Love in the City Of Orange Downtown Orange Plaza

2010-02-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

On St. Valentine's Day, the Orange Plaza or the traffic circle at the intersection of Glassell Street and Chapman Avenue in Orange was bedecked with hearts and these signs that had the words "No More Broken Hearts."

The signs were a part of a mini protest demonstration against the continuing War in Iraq and some of them also had the names and ages of soldiers who had been killed in the war. On the other side of the street, one lone protester sat with his signs saying "Support Our Troops" and another sign which was a little nuts in that it acccused the protesters of "Supporting Our Enemy."

I went around the circle twice snapping pictures as for some reason it seemed rather poignant to see the signs, especially the ones that remembered the young men and women who had died. They were all so young, much younger than myself. I was old enough to be their mother... How could I help but be touched by that?

It was such a stark contrast to the commercialism of the St. Valentine's Day celebrations...

Here there were the names and ages of those who had, because of love of Country, made the ultimate sacrifice.
And there were those who were out of their love for those men and for our Country saying... Please, end this war so there will not be any more dead ones. And there was another man across the road who was showing his love too in a different way for those men and for our Country too.

It moved me to see this... It reminded me of our mortality as people as all of us will at some time die... and there will be those whose hearts will feel like they are breaking at our passing...

It also reminded me, once again, of the fact that we all have different perspectives and that just because someone has a different perspective than me or than someone else does not mean that they are any less honorable, good, noble or loving...

Each of the people in that Circle that day (including those who were named on those signs) and all of those who like me drove around that Circle, whether or not they even saw the signs, were all part of something very sacred and very present...

All were expressing love in human form, each in their own way...

The signs are long gone from the Circle.
Yet the love that was shared that day and the love that continues to be shared here on Earth every day, never dies as the love is eternal.

That inner voice of wisdom...

2010-02-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

Recently, I found myself saying out loud, "We really do not think you need to worry."
And I realized that I had been worrying about things that could happen or that I feared would happen...
Those words came from that higher part of myself, the nurturing part of myself and were very special to me...

I smiled, thinking "Yes I can stop worrying..."

I asked myself, "what is the appropriate thing to do?" and got from that deep place in myself, "right action... that is acting appropriately in the moment."

Oh right action... not avoidance, not trying to control the outcome, I thought.

"We have no control," said that inner level... not over the other people in ones life, not over this situation as it is now...

I thought too.. now is not the right time to act... as there is nothing that can be done right now...

I breathed deeply and felt better as the freedom from worry about that situation was enough to liberate me for that moment so other things could be done.

We all have these inner thoughts... There is that positive and life giving force within us which has the answers...

We do not have to get caught up in the worries and fears... There is the ability for us to self parent and to trust the process of our growth and development, to trust the process of life as it comes.

We can choose to listen to the thoughts that say "you are good." "Things will work out." "You can do this or something better will come up to be done."

The thoughts I am referring to are by nature compassionate, loving, gentle, humorous and nurturing.These come from the Inner Self or the Higher Self.

Avoid listening too much to any thoughts that are negative, fear provoking, or ones that would if followed cause you to do something harmful to yourself or others as these thoughts are meant to be rejected as trash as they are trashy thoughts.

Life... the phases we go through... It is all just ducky :)

2010-02-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, we love to be in the company of others, and enjoy the diversity we see around us so much.

As we see the beauty in ourselves, we see the beauty in all others and the light in all we see.

Other times though, we feel alone and different... separated from others by our own thoughts and feelings...

Or we get caught up in the dance of relationships, trying to impress or please, trying to learn how to love or to be in love, trying to make lasting bonds with others of friendship, marriage or whatever...

Sometimes we get so caught up in being with and living for other people that we just need to spend a little time deciding what is important to us. We need time to dig in and notice what is going on in our watery feeling level...

Until we feel like we have gotten a feeling for what we want, need and feel...

Sometimes this inward focus gives us the realization that we need to go deeper within for awhile to take care of spiritual needs so we may choose to meditate, to pray, or to do another spiritual practice.

This may give us the feeling that we are capable of maintaining some form of peace even in the midst of a world of changes...

And it just may make us realize that we are more connected with others and perhaps not so different after all.

Awe and wonder in the present moment

2010-02-24T13:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we get a glimpse of how big the world is and how big the universe is...

We then are awe struck by the greatness of all that is around us...

At these times, our concerns and worries drop of us, like water dripping off of a duck's back.

Sometimes the wonder and awe at being out in nature is enough to make us smile and even to be in an estatic state...

But at other times, it takes awhile to get over the physical stress that comes from the bad hair days,

the work/ life issues, and the other concerns that

we at times think are so important.

We then need to return to the present moment,

to really look at what we are seeing,

to really listen to what we are hearing,

to feel the ground under our feet, the wind on our backs,

to ground ourselves in the here and now...

so that the wonder has a chance to take us up in its arms

and sweep us away into the bliss of the now moment...

where we can finally soar.

The reality of change

2010-02-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

We cannot remain forever on the shore, nor forever tethered to the past and to what we used to know and be.

There comes a time in all lives, and usually many times, when change comes to knock on our doors and to demand our full presence and attention.

Usually, the change that comes is unexpected, and sometimes it is well loved and other times it is not... Whether or not we like the change... It is present. It is here... and it is all around us.

Some of these changes may be something like this:A person we love is going through his or her own struggles and seems not as available to us. Financial problems that have become severe seem to drag on and on. Health concerns crop up. And on the spiritual level there is a wondering about what does it all mean?

And sometimes there is the child within saying, "Will I survive?" While the parent self says, "There, There now. It will be okay... You'll see. It will be okay. Let go of the worries and the fears. It will be okay." And the adult self thinks, "What can I do now? What is left to be done in this situation? How can it be managed? I will to conquer this. I will to make it work... It will eventually... Oh God, I hope it will."

There is within all of us a drive for growth and development that sometimes gets a wee bit constricted by the competing desire for comfort and sameness... and when we have been lax for awhile, not pushing ourselves enough to grow, then there is the arrival of these challenges to get us moving again. And they do their work for our soul growth and our development as people.

We can choose to view them as we wish but when they crop up, there is the reality of something that must be looked at and dealt with... And there is in that dealing with them, something that comes within us, perhaps an inner strength or knowing, perhaps a feeling of mastery and of new found confidance...

Always there are gifts in the process of discovering our own inner capacities to deal with things that we have not always wished to deal with... This is the truth of our being... Life brings change yes and we rise to meet it and grow in this meeting for the better even if sometimes we are at first unable to find anything positive in the experience.

We see the world as we are on the inside...

2009-12-21T20:50:00.000-08:00

When we look around us at the world, we are normally only seeing a reflection of our own selves in what we see.

If we are happy, then those around us seem to be happier.

If we are loving, then those around us seem to be more loving to us.

If we are treating ourselves unkindly in our thoughts, then we may find that others treat us unkindly.

If we are angry, we will most likely find more in others to be angry at.

If we are sad, we may find more in the world to inspire our sad feelings...

This is perhaps why Jesus' command was "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Without that love for ones own self, it is difficult to love another well.

Self abuse, self hate, wallowing in guilt over past actions that cannot be undone, fearing what may be, holding grudges against ones own self ... These are all behaviors that limit or inhibit the ability to love anyone else fully as they tend to make a person more self-centered, and more focused in on themselves in a bad way than they would be if their thoughts about themselves were more benevolent.

It is difficult to reach out to give another a hug if ones hands are busy beating up on oneself over the past or if one is doing ones best to hold on to things or to hide in a vain attempt to ward of the future.

The truth is that beating ones self up like a punching bag or calling ones self names like a kid on the playground will not instill good behavior in yourself. Remembering the past over and over and getting stuck in it will sabatoge your ability to do better in the future. And certainly fearing the future does not get you any where good unless you are one of those people who thrives on planning for every possibility, like the writer of the book on how to survive anything.

So, today... Let go of the guilt over the past. Let go of the fear... And just be present in the now.

Accept the truth that you are known and loved by something greater than yourself whether that something is your Higher Power, God, Creation, the Mother , the Creator, Light, Love, Energy, or something else.

Breathe in that love and act from that... Carry that with you and give that to those you meet... It is what is best for you and for everyone...

Peace be to you now.

We are powerful

2009-12-21T20:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we forget just how powerful we are...

Just as pebbles thrown into a pond send ripples throughout the pond... our thoughts, words and actions affect the world around us.

Pennies in The Fountain

2009-05-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

You can make a wish and throw your pennies into the fountain hoping for a miracle.

Yet nothing will change to be even close to what you wish for unless you make a change in what you think, say and do.

Your life, as you live it now, is the result of the previous thoughts and actions made by you and by those around you. Continuing to think and act the same way will only result in more of the same coming to you in the future.

And yet, most people find change to be a bit scary and difficult, especially if it means that they must unlearn a lifetime of thoughts and behaviors.

Change is not easy sometimes.... and sometimes the best way to do it is to take baby steps... small steps towards the goal you wish to achieve.

When a baby starts walking, he normally falls down a lot and his parents give him a lot of encouragement to get up again and to keep on trying until he finally learns how to walk.

As adults and teenagers we have the need to start treating ourselves like good parents treat their little ones. We need to encourage our progress, and celebrate every step forward that we take instead of beating ourselves upside the head with critical self talk for not being perfect or for not being as we wish we were already.

It is wise to write down goals that we want to achieve but sometimes people, especially those who are depressed, tell me that this is overwhelming.... I tell them then "write down what you did. You got up. Write down you got up and put a big check box with a check inside of it. If you showered, washed your hair, got dressed, ate breakfast, write that down too and put a big check or X next to each of those things. Celebrate that you have gotten that done. Then with that feeling of accomplishment, move forward to the next things... See what needs to be done. Do it and then write it on your list. Rejoice in each accomplishment... and you will find that you will, at the end of the day, have a productive day in which you got more done than you would normally have gotten done." I developed this approach and used it on myself after going through losses that left me feeling a bit depressed so I know that this approach works.

If you are one of the people who has a tendency to get overwhelmed with anxiety and to despair because the tasks you have in front of you are too big for you to deal with, then you have options: You can ask for help, if you need it, from someone who is better at dealing with that task than you are, and either pay someone to do it for you, to teach you how to do it yourself, or find something that they do not do well and that you do well and exchange services if that is allowed under the rules of your profession.

Breaking down each task into bite sized pieces is something that should always be tried. When a room has to be cleaned, start at one place in the room like one corner and clean and organize that. Then move from that corner just a little and clean that part. Then clean another small part, etc. And pretty soon you will have cleaned the whole room. Other tasks should be dealt with in the same way.

One of my mentors, Dr. Richard Landis, Ph.D. had this technique that he taught his clients that used one wall, post it notes and a pen... He had his clients write down each task that needed to be completed on post its. He then would have them write down underneath those task post its the steps that needed to be taken to complete the task --- one step on each post it note. He then would have them arrange the tasks from left to right.... the furthest left for the ones that had to be done ASAP and the ones that could be done whenever to the right. It was a system he used himself and he found that if he had a few minutes to spare he could utilize that time by completing a step or two of one task or of several tasks and get that much closer to completing his tasks instead of having a lot of unproductive down time.

You, no doubt, have techniques that you have discovered for getting things done and for keeping your motivation up while you do it.

Whatever you do, make sure that you take time to celebrate your progress as this will increase your progress in the future a lot more than throwing pennies in the fountain.

Remember Your Connection

2009-05-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am remembering one song that I wrote awhile back in which a woman is saying to a man,"We are a part of the circle of life. Let us take our stand together. All who dwell within the circle of life, let us live with respect for each other, for the world and for its peoples... "

This is now the calling for all people: to think of and to act for the common good of all beings... as all are connected and related, as all are part of the fabric of life and the circle of life.

The days of acting for just "me and mine" are long over. When we can go on the net and read about what is happening in other countries and immediately chat with other human beings who reside in those countries, it becomes impossible to think that we are isolated human beings any longer... We know that we are related and connected to all living beings. We are family.

When we look and see that our actions have a ripple effect, spreading out from one area to the whole world, we are forced to acknowledge that we are responsible and accountable; that we are more powerful than we thought we were, and that we are more able to effect change than we thought.

We may feel frustrated, scared, alone, and wounded but we, even in our weakest state, make a difference to the world around us. We make a difference and are capable of changing our world and the world of all people for the better.

When we try out things out like affirmation, visualization, positive thinking, prayer, acts of charity and compassion, acts of generosity and hospitality, acts of courage and bravery, acts of tolerance and love, acts of forgiveness and peace-making, acts of healing and teaching, etc. we see that the world around us transforms for the better... It is not rocket science. It is just what happens.... When good seeds are sown into the ground, good fruit normally arises.

Yet we as people sometimes forget our power and our ability to change anything. We sometimes have felt limited and weak.

During this economic crisis, many of us have felt like ducking our heads under the blankets at times. We have drawn inwards to take stock of ourselves and our situations and found, much to our dismay, that our situations looked pretty bleak. We have felt tempted to give up... But instead, we have decided to forge ahead, to do what we could do to help ourselves, and to do our best to help others through these times too. We have had to be humble and to ask for help when we needed it... This was not an easy thing to do ... and yet we know that in the past we assisted others and that when thing improve, we will be the ones giving others assistance when they need it. We are aware that we are in a cycle and that things will get better for us and for all peoples eventually with time, patience, believing and hard work.

We are now needing to remember our strengths and learn to reach out more to give what we can, do what we can, remember to praise and thank where we can, intend what we can, and act in the light of the knowledge of Faith. This is not an easy thing to do... It requires sometimes trust in a process that is larger than ourselves, following hunches, being in the flow, meditating and praying and pausing to appreciate the good that occurs.

So take a deep breath... You are a part of the fabric of life. You are connected, related, one with all that is. You are connected to the Creator. You are one with the Creator as His life breath is within you and within all. Breathe in that connection. Let that memory of connection heal the body, the mind, and the spirit, and give you a feeling of gratitude and peacefulness.

Now, focus on the highest good that can be done today with you as the instrument in the Creator's hand... Avoid getting caught up in the thoughts of the fruits or outcomes of the actions... as you are not the doer. Let that aspect of you that is the Soul, that is the spark of the Creator be the doer. Focus then fully on the action at hand. Act as you would were the Creator to be the doer... the best that is possible to act in these circumstances and the most enlightened.

For most people, the place where you are now is where you are meant to be. The people you are with are who you are meant to be with... until you or they leave... serve, love, give, heal, teach, the ones who are around you wherever you are

You will forever be a part of the fabric of life, no less or greater than any other part of creation as all are equally loved. All are equally breathed into being... Remember your connection.

Time

2009-05-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

Time passes.

The bud becomes the flower...

The child becomes the adult...

and with that growth comes a new way of seeing

and a new way of being.

Everything is as it should be.

Games

2009-05-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, playing chess, checkers, or another game is a good way to have fun with friends, especially if the game is held in a park where there will be exposure to vitamin D from the sunlight.

The checker/chess table shown in this picture is at the Pitcher Park in Orange, California and is often used by the chess players and the picnic goers in the area.

Growth

2009-05-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

There is one thing that can be said about all human beings... We are all growing.

We all have the capacity to change, to develop new skills, to form better relationships, and to learn how to give and to receive love fully if we choose to do so.

Wind Chimes

2009-05-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

The sound of wind chimes adds warmth to any garden...

The tinkling chimes, whether they be made of copper or steel, are something that brings me pleasure.

With each wind gust, they swing, filling the air with the sound of music.

Consider investing in your own wind chimes. Enjoy the pretty music of the wind breath of life.

The truth

2009-05-13T23:19:00.000-07:00

Flowers and seeds...

2009-05-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we see something that just looks beautiful to us... the beginning of life, the world in bloom during Springtime, is something that is beautiful to me.

I treasure the memory of springs long past and await many more in the future...

I think of the things that I want to come to pass, the things that I hope will finally be fullfulled... and they make this Spring a time of expectant hope.

I remember the mystery of growth that is taking place all around me...

the frail seeds being planted, and then expanding until they split a part to reach down and root and to reach up and form leaves and flowers...

I think of the process of the growth of a flower and I recognize the painfulness sometimes of the process...

I do not think the seed enjoys leaving the safety and comfort of stasis and entering into the growth spurt that results in its demise as a seed and yet the seed goes through its process of growing apparently without resentment or complaint.

We too go through our own process of growth and change and not all of this change and growth is comfortable for us. We sometimes get hurt by it, resent it and or fight it at all costs thinking that if only we were able to keep the status quo, even if sometimes it is not exactly what we want, we will be happier.

The man who has been complaining about his job for the last 17 years winds up losing it and being unemployed. He is upset and angry. He does not see this as a liberation, no, he sees it as a curse... How dare they do this to him? What happened to repaying his loyalty to the company? He is upset... And yet he may have just been handed a gift in disguise... He may now have the ability to actually do what he always dreamed of doing and did not previously have enough courage to do. And he now may have no choice but to pursue his dream.

One cannot always figure out why changes occur... It is clear though that change is happening in every moment... One of my teachers, a Lakota named Little Crow, once said to me that with every breath there is change, there is the ability to experience more of the death of ego and to open up more to the Spirit, and to breathe out and breathe in consciously taking what is desired into the next moment and leaving the fears, anger, bad habits, resentments, etc. behind. He suggested too that with every breath we breathe out we are all praying and nurturing all living things even when we do not know that we are doing so.

I offer you the possibility that change is afoot... You may know what it is that is changing soon. You may have a change just around the corner that you do not know about yet... I am praying for you that the changes you make be all for your benefit and for the benefit of all that exists.

Scents

2009-05-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

There are certain fragrances that evoke feelings of relaxation and contentment. Pictured above is lavender, one of the flowers that has such a fragrance.

Some people recommend that lavender be used on the pillows prior to going to bed to improve the quality of one's sleep.

While others prefer fragrances like vanilla, sandelwood, rose, geranium, etc.

There are so many fragrances to choose from.

Feel free to explore in this area... Go to places where natural oils are sold rather than the artificial oils as the natural oils are less likly to cause any allergic responses.

Purchase a natural oil and then bring it home...

Enjoy it.

Clouds

2009-04-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we look up at the sky and see so many things in the clouds...

I saw a smiling face in one cloud and, at the time I shot the photo, saw animal of some sort in the second cloud...

It is fun to be able to look up as much as it is to look down...

to appreciate the beautiful skies at sunset and at sunrise and whenever there are clouds, rainbows, and other weather features...

One of the things that I share with my clients who are struggling with their uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and images is this little song that I wrote:

The mind is like the sky,

sometimes bright and sunny;

sometimes full of rain.

The mind is like the sky,

let the thoughts and feelings pass by.

Let the thoughts and feelings pass by.

You are the sky... The sky remains calm and peaceful...

It refrains from chasing after the clouds that float across it.

It allows the clouds to float without attachment to them.

The clouds of feelings and thoughts

can just float by.

You can be peaceful, calm and contented like the sky

by allowing what is,

by allowing the clouds of thought and feeling to pass by

without grabbing onto them.

Realize that you are more than the thoughts and feelings.

You are stronger and more beautiful than that.

You are the sky.

Stages of life

2009-04-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

All through our life span,

we remain

beautiful,

full of goodness,

and worthy of love, tenderness and compassion.

We remain full of the potential to grow, to learn and to experience new things. It is a good thing...

There is, in this culture though, sometimes a tendency to value the young people over the older and the more experienced...

Yet there is much that those who are older can share with the young. The elders have much wisdom based on their lifetimes of experience and learning. They have practical knowledge They have the knowledge of history which can give people roots or a sense of where they came from. They have so many things to share and just need an opportunity to share them...

Today... Take time to talk to people who are older than you are. Ask questions and pause to really listen to their answers without judgement... Do your best to learn from those who are older than you are. Give those who are older than you are respect for having lived long and having survived the journey this far for some day, it will be you who will be the one who is older.

Today, if you are an elder, take the time to talk with someone who is younger than you are. Share your experiences. Share your wisdom without judgement. Provide those who are younger than you are opportunities to learn from you... for it is you who are the guardians of history and wisdom for the young... You are ones who lead them through your words and through your example. Lead well.

A Weed = a mandala

2009-04-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Looking down, I just happened to notice this weed on the ground... perfectly formed and intricate in its growth pattern.

To me, it resembled some of the old fashioned lace doilies that still are used to decorate in shabby chic houses.

And it also is a natural mandala. One can look it and be drawn inwards towards a center point.

The word "mandala" comes from the sanskrit word for circle. Yet it is more than just a circle. It is a representation of totality, of the wholeness within a person, within the Earth and within all that exists.

Focusing at the center point of the mandala and just breathing deeply for a little while gives a person a chance to balance and to be fully in the moment...

Once calmness and peace have been restored, the mind is then free to explore the surroundings more fully... and to savor the next moment.

Water

2009-04-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

Our bodies are 65-70% water and yet we have a tendency to take water for granted.

We need about 8-10 8 ounce glasses of water to replace what the body loses in a day... and yet most of us have a tendency not to drink anywhere near that much so we are often operating at a low level of dehydration.

According to:http://www.symptomsofdehydration.com/effects-of-dehydration.htm

"Some of these mild dehydration effects are often, but not limited to:
Thirst
Loss of appetite
Dry skin
Flushing
Dark colored urine
Dry mouth / Cotton mouth
Fatigue / Weakness
Chills
Head rushes

If the dehydration is allowed to continue, when the body experiences fluid loss of 5% the following more severe dehydration effects are normally experienced:

Increased heart rate
Increased respiration
Decreased sweating
Decreased urination
Increased body temperature
Extreme fatigue
Muscle cramps
Headaches
Nausea
Tingling of the limbs

When the body reaches 10% fluid loss emergency help is needed IMMEDIATELY! This level of fluid loss is often fatal! The effects of severe dehydration include:

Muscle spasms
Vomiting
Racing pulse
Shriveled skin
Dim vision
Painful urination
Confusion
Difficulty breathing
Seizures
Chest and Abdominal pain"

Loss of consciousness

I had an episode of dehydration after being outside a lot on Easter Saturday and Easter Sunday, had salty food to eat and drank only beverages with caffiene in them (These caused me to excrete water rather than to retain the water that I needed.) I showed up at Family Service the next day and complained of heat in the head, an odd heart rate, and feelings of pain in various parts of the body. I had no desire to drink anything and was surprised when a colleague told me to drink some water as she believed that I was suffering from dehydration. I was even more surprised when I felt so much better just from drinking some water. I am sharing this information with the hope that others will not have to suffer from this difficulty.

Stop to appreciate water.

Do your best to drink enough good, clean water to replenish what the body loses each day (8 to 10 8 oz glasses of water.)

Pet

2009-04-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there is a need for animal companions...
This is a dog that I met on Monday...
I had never seen him before yet he greeted me as a friend and allowed himself to be petted.
His gentle and kind disposition were a joy for me.
I know that many of those who visit this site have pets or have access to animals that are friendly enough to allow themselves to be cared for and petted.
It is a wonderful thing for the mind and body to associate with the animal kingdom. And those who have pets have lower blood pressure, live longer lives and enjoy life more than those who do not have pets.

Today, take time to appreciate the members of the animal kingdom... and pet a pet.

Sitting

2009-04-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes for a moment and relax.
It is enough just to be here, to be alive and to breathe in this moment.
You do not need to have or buy anything for this experience...
Just sit in the simplicity of your own inner spirit and rest awhile.
Meditate, dream, embrace the power of the Now moment.
Savor the sweetness within yourself.
Enjoy the time you spend just being here.
Feel the love and the power that are within you.
Enjoy the feeling of connection to all that is.

Look Up

2009-04-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we just happen to look up and see something beautiful above us...

In this case, I saw this turkey vulture with its huge wingspan as it soared high above me with its finger like feathers touching the sky so gently.

The turkey vulture is a bird that many people dislike because on the ground it has an odd appearance with its bare pink head, and mostly because of its associations to death. Yet the Native Americans have called it the golden purifyer and others have honored it because it harms nothing and rids the environment of that which could cause disease and further deaths. Because it feeds only on the dead and not on the living, it is a danger to no one. It is so peaceful that the crows, hawks and other birds soar with it and have no fear of it. Some people have even called it the new Thunder Bird. Others rejoice when they see it arriving as they conduct their various sacred ceremonies to heal the Earth and all of its many peoples as they believe that it is a messenger from the Great Spirit that their prayers were heard and will be answered.

Looking up causes us to see things like this wonderful bird soaring and to imagine perhaps what it would be to be as free and unworried, as this bird seemed as he joyfully soared in the April sky on Easter Sunday.

So today, go outside a bit and look up and around you to see what you notice. It may not be a turkey vulture. It may be a hawk, a dove, a squirrel, a dog, a cat, a seagull, a person smiling any saying "hello" or something else. Go out today and explore your surroundings... Do as my mother used to tell me to do, "Look up, look down. Look all around you." Enjoy the feelings of joy and excitement that such explorations of your environment bring. Have fun!

Rest awhile...

2009-04-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Rest awhile...

Find some running water... a fountain, a brook or an ocean and sit near it...

Listen to the sound of the water...

It is a sound unlike any other.

It soothes the mind, body and soul.

Rest awhile.

Just listen

and let your thirst for inner stillness be quenched

by the sound of the flowing waters.

Off the beaten path...

2009-04-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

To see any wild animal is something wonderful in the city.This rabbit was just sitting and feeding on grasses in a park. He did not move for awhile... and I snapped this photo of him from a safe distance. I was thankful that I just happened to go off the path a bit and to see him feeding there... glad too that I had a good camera.

Sometimes going off the beaten path and getting out into nature a bit offers us the gift of the sights and sounds of things that we would have missed otherwise. These memories of nature can be remembered and focused on to reduce the stress of everyday life.

"Life is a box of Chocolates"

2009-04-13T23:15:00.001-07:00

In Forrest Gump, the 1994 movie, Forrest Gump said, "My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

I remember hearing about a little girl who used to want to get a clue about what that piece of chocolate was going to taste like without having to cut it in half or to eat the whole thing...

She used the fingernail of her pinkie finger to dig a tiny hole in the bottom of each piece of chocolate just big enough to scoop out a little bit of the filling and to have that one little taste. She then would leave the chocolates she did not like in the box for others in her family to eat... And they did finish up that box of chocolates, that is, if they could get over the fact that there was that little hole in the bottom of each piece of chocolate candy. Thankfully, as she got older, she could guess which piece of chocolate would contain which filling just from looking at the shapes of the chocolates and no longer had to dig into the chocolates to get her answer.

It is human nature to want to know the future... to want to get a little glimpse before choosing door number three or what getting stuck with what is behind the curtain number 4. And we do not have to go to a medium or psychic to get that information... We just have to use our own eyes and ears and our gut feelings or intuitions.

We often get these intuitive rumblings... If we listen carefully to the words of others, we get the sense that things are, or are not okay. We observe someone's eyes moving rapidly when he is telling us that he did not take the money from the purse and we know that he is most likely lying. We hear a man accusing his wife of cheating on him and we know that he is most likely the one who is doing the cheating on his wife. We see a strange car on the block with a young male driver and a young male passenger who is acting strangely and seeming to eye us in an odd and threatening manner, and perhaps we know enough to get inside before the shooting begins because we listen to the feeling that something just is not okay.

We all get these little intuitive news flashes... But we do not always pay attention. The thief who talks a good game sometimes gets believed when he says that he did not take the money even though his eyes are moving wildly. The innocent woman who is being accused of cheating by her husband listens to his words and wonders what she can do to reassure him rather than suspecting him of anything. And the young man who is standing on the street ignores the strange behavior of that passenger in that car driving way too slowly down his street, bends down into his car to get some books out of it and promptly gets shot in the rear by someone who hoped to shoot him dead. ... Unfortunately these are true stories and are not unusual.

We need to slow down a bit and really look around us. We need to hear what is going on, feel the feelings in the gut, honor our hunches more, and to listen to the inner knowings as they come to us... It takes a bit of practice. It isn't always easy to develop the skills of observation and of intuition yet almost anyone can improve in these areas.

I was browsing through the net to come up with good ideas for people who want to improve their intuition and I wound up finding http://www.awakening-intuition.com/ABOUTYOURINTUITION.html ALL ABOUT YOUR INTUITION
...AND HOW TO IMPROVE IT From an interview with Thomas Condon and http://topten.org/public/AG/AG430.html --- Both of these provide good tips to individuals who want to improve upon their intuitive abilities.

Doing some of the exercises mentioned in these articles will help you better hear that "still small voice" which is within you. Once you are able to hear it, you will be more able to use it to live wisely and well.

Voices from the Womb, a book review

2009-04-12T21:25:00.001-07:00

Public Domain Photo

One of the things that I have done recently was to re-read a book called "Voices from the Womb" by Michael Gabriel.

I was, once again, astonished to read the reports of people's hypnotic regressions to pre-birth times , to find that their reports of pre- birth memories were validated by relatives, medical records, etc. and to hear how important it is for society as a whole to be aware of the need to insure that the women who are pregnant are given the support and nurturing that they need to insure that the child they are carrying has a good start in life...

It is most important, according to the book, for women and their partners to bond with their unborn children, before their children are born and to communicate love, acceptance, and caring to them.

It is also important to let the little ones know that whatever is happening around them, it is not their fault... and that mom and dad always love them even if sometimes they get angry or saddened by life circumstances.

It seems that, according to this book, unborn children experience the world through their mother's feelings so if you are pregnant, it may be wise to attempt to learn how to do things to relax, to rest, and to calm yourself... Meditation, listening to soothing music (classical works well for many people), walking in nature, etc. are all effective ways to reduce the stress you and your unborn child experience.

Loved ones of pregnant women should do what they can to reduce the stress they put on them and should also do what they can to improve relations with them so that the unborn children will be less exposed to stress toxins and to the surge of emotions which could otherwise be overwhelming to them.

It would be nice if this society began to actively foster the mental health of pregnant women and their unborn children as it does have a big effect on the children's health, development and personality.

I recommend this book as it is eye opening.

https://isbndb.com/d/book/voices_from_the_womb.html

Easter

2009-04-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today is Easter Sunday, the time when families gather together to go to church and/or to spend time together with activities such as Easter Egg Hunts, Easter Basket Hunts, Easter Parades complete with Easter Bonnets (hats) and plenty of feasting on Easter candy, eggs and other food items.

This is the anniversary day of Jesus' Resurrection... The celebration commemorates the triumph of the Light of Christ over the darkness of guilt and sin; the overcoming of death and the promise of eternal life, and the joy of Springtime.

My family got together to celebrate this day and had the traditional Easter Egg Hunt. The children ran all over the backyard looking for Easter Eggs filled with spare change and then there was the feasting.

I remember now the reason for the day... the promise of hope, of renewal and the need for all us to revitalize our faith and our lives with new understandings, experiences, and ways of being...

It is a time of new beginnings full of optimism and the potential for enlightenment.

Let us begin to revitalize and re-energize our lives and draw encouragement from this Holiday.

Centering

2009-04-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

This is the time to pull inward a bit and to mediate, contemplate, pray, and center ourselves as we learn from two faith traditions which are celebrating religious holidays at this time.

Passover:

Jewish people all over the world are continuing to go through the Passover rituals to remember the sufferings of the their people who were captives in Egypt and to experience, first hand, the gratitude of the people who were set free and led to the Promised Land...

There is, a return to the realization that as the Passover song "Dayenu," states, "It would have been enough for us" ... to be led from Egypt, to be given manna or bread from the heavens, to be led to the Promised Land... "It would have been enough"...

If the message of "Dayenu" or "It would have been enough" is internalized in all of our lives, whether we are Jewish or not, it would lead to gratitude... and gratitude is something that causes more good to occur.

It would have been enough if we were just given life... but we were given the ability to see, to hear, to taste, to speak, to read, to talk, to move our bodies, to think, to dream, to do and be and experience so many things... It would have been enough if we had all that but we were given the ability to have people who love us and to be able to love others and ourselves. That would have been enough but we were given the ability to create... That would have been enough but still we are given more... and what do we do with what we are given?

Gratitude and introspection are a part of this holiday season...

Good Friday and Holy Saturday:

People in the Christian Tradition have been praying, fasting, and preparing for Easter as part of the Lenten Season. Yesterday was Good Friday and Today is Holy Saturday... Both of these days are rather sobering as they speak of the suffering and death of Jesus Christ.

I must admit that I, like most people, don't like talking about death and suffering that much.

It is an uncomfortable topic. And especially if the person who is doing the suffering is innocent of any crime and is being unjustly accused, tortured and killed. It is a horrible thing to bear witness to it in the reenactments that took place on Good Friday in many churches. We like to think that we are so much more advanced than those people were who were so barbaric towards Jesus. And yet all over the world, people who are Christians or who are members of other faith traditions are suffering persecution just for believing in what and in who they believe in. We are lucky and blessed here in the United States to be able to practice our faiths, no matter what they are, without reprisal or fear. Do we take this freedom for granted... or are we grateful?

During the Passion, Jesus was made to suffer alone and so intensely that for a moment he lost his feeling of connection to the Creator. In our alone times, we sometimes suffer such pain that we too forget our connection to God, our family and friends. And yet that connection still remains strong. Just when we are ready to lose hope, just when we have given up, someone calls us on the phone, drops in or comes to our assistance and we realize that we are far from being alone or perhaps we suddenly are given the memories of those we love and those who love us and are given the strength to hold on. We have the ability to reach out for help when we need it and to reach out to others when they need it and we need to use this ability to reach out if we want to maintain good relationships.

On Holy Saturday... we have the silence that comes after a storm... the darkness so deep just before the dawn of a new day.

Some people spend their time cleaning their houses, maintaining silence, and otherwise turning the day into a day of meditation and retreat and others get a jump start on the Easter holiday and spend time with their families having Easter egg hunts and baseball games. Yet there is even for these people more of a solemnity about the day than will be felt on Easter Sunday...

It is a time of waiting for the morning and of learning patience.

"It is all so beautiful!"

2009-04-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

I remember my Aunt Dell who finally got enough courage to leave Vermont and fly to visit my family in California.

Once she got to Southern California she found the trip well worth it, not just because she was able to spend time with her older sister, but also because she experienced something that she had never experienced before, California's weather.

As we sat together on on the porch in our backyard, I noticed that she was crying...

I asked her why, and she said, "It is all so beautiful!" The sun was shining soft and warm. The hibiscus was in full bloom. Back home, it was all ice and snow... Never had she seen such beauty at that time of year.

Her visit to California and her reactions to it, reminded me then of the fact that when we have something constantly around us, when we live in a certain place, interact with certain people, etc., we can easily forget to appreciate them.

Today, I am pausing now to appreciate what I have, the place I live, the people I have in my life who make it worth living... and the gift that it is to be alive in this place and time... and more.

Take time to appreciate this day!

Doors

2009-04-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

We may see a closed door ahead of us,

but if we look around,

we will see many other doors,

Sometimes we need to be alert to see

the other doors that are open...

and other times we need to just be patient

and wait for a door to open.

Have confidence that you will find the best pathway for you and that you will walk through the doorway to your

highest good.

Trust that you are being guided and protected on life's journey and that you are far from being alone, even though sometimes it feels like you are....

You are always loved and always held in the arms of God and those who love you.

There is time

2009-04-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

It is good to rest awhile,
to sit and to dream of what could be...
to spend time pondering...
to bask in the stillness of the heart...
There is time
to be here.
There is time
to rest.
There is time
to be here
in this moment,
in this place.

Clinging

2009-04-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we hold on to the ledge,

gazing out at the life ahead with dread,

not knowing what it will bring, and not really wanting any more changes.

At times like these, we tend to cling to what we know...

We cling to the ones we love... to the people, the places, the things, the understandings and knowings that are home to us.

And we are lucky or blessed if, when we turn to these, we find them able to respond to our need for comfort and assistance.

In the times that we are so lucky or blessed there can be much gratitude.

At other times, the feelings of lacking and wanting may be strong.

Either way, we need to remember that we are indeed being taken care of, supported, nurtured and loved by all that is around us...

We are far from being alone and are always loved even when appearances seem otherwise.

Friends

2009-04-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Friends come in all shapes, sizes and colors...

There is nothing better than a friend who is present for you, loves you, and listens to your words and, even more, to your heart.

Friendship is something that normally develops with time and requires comitment , loyalty, tenderness and compassion...

There will be times when your friendships will be tested... when emotions will flare high, and when the words and actions of another will cause you pain. And yet, most of the time, you will choose to remain in friendship as there is the joy that comes from togetherness.

There is the wonderful feeling of being understood and cared for that only comes from taking the risk to be vulnerable even to this pain.

Words cannot define or limit friendship... We can call it so many things... Yet its nature remains. The ones we call friends are our family of the heart. They are the ones who love us and who we love... and that perhaps is the only thing that matters.

Pathway

2009-04-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

We are all on a pathway,

learning which way to go;

sharing the journey together.

We are all giving to each other

with everything we are,

everything we think,

feel, say and do.

Snowy Mountains

2009-04-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

This photo was taken in February when I looking out over the City of Long Beach and towards the distant mountains which were then covered with a layer of white snow...

It is most unusual for people in Southern California to see such sights as we normally do not get this much snow on the mountains and normally have too much smog to see so far off into the distance.

I was glad that I paused long enough to look at this and to appreciate it.
I share it with you to remind you to, look around you... Stop to appreciate the beauty that exists in the natural world, even in the midst of the city life.

You will never know what you will see if you only pause to look.

Inner Light...

2009-04-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

We carry our lamps into the world...
the love that we have to give,
the things that we have the potential to become...
And we are all so precious.
We are all so beautiful,
even when we forget who we are
and what we carry within us.
We remain full of this inner light
and we can not help
but to bring it with us
wherever we go.

Reading Time

2009-04-07T02:43:00.000-07:00

Pause for awhile to read a good book.

It is such a great way to spend the time.

You can learn so much.

You can explore so many lives in the comfort of your garden, your bedroom, living room or wherever you choose.

Enjoy yourself and your time with the written word.

Surviving in Dysfunctional Families

2009-04-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

This poster, made by Mary Engelbreit, hangs in the staff lounge at the Family Service of Long Beach office, far away from the eyes of the clients who go there for counseling...

I like it because it tells the truth... Everyone has a somewhat "dysfunctional" family... but that does not mean that you have to be miserable.

There are ways of getting along with people, even with difficult ones. If you follow these rules, you will have a chance at happiness and at maybe even as putting the "fun back in dysfunctional."

Rule number one:

Speak softly... Yelling and screaming or walking off without saying anything are sure ways not to get your point across...

Name calling, physical violence, excessive criticism, the silent treatment, etc. are all ways of insuring dissatisfaction in your relationships.

Be gentle with others. Say what you need to say but in a way that can be heard...

truthful in your speech but be compassionate and loving first.

Rule number two:

Speak using positive language... Using "Don't" doesn't work well... as most of the time people will do what you don't want them to do without even giving it a second thought... as in "Don't think of purple elephants wearing orange tennis shoes." (You thought about those elephants wearing orange tennis shoes, didn't you?)

If you have a child who constantly forgets to hang his or her clothes in the closet tell that child to hang the clothes in the closet rather than telling the child,"Don't just leave the clothes on the floor."

The human mind normally doesn't pick up the words "no" and "don't" so refrain from using them whenever possible...

Do your best to re-phrase your requests and communications to use positive language...

If you want a bit more chance of getting what you want, ask for what you want rather than what you don't want.

Rule number three:

Speak kindly...

Praise people but keep the praise honest...

"You've been working so hard on that swing Buddy and it really shows. I am so proud of you and all of your hard work." "That was a wonderful dinner Donna. I really loved the sauce you used on those veggies. Could I get a recipe?""Nice work on the report Bob, I think it will do the trick in our negotiations. Thanks."

Gratitude is a wonderful thing. Thanking people when they do something kind for you is a great thing. You like it when others notice your good work and everyone else does too. Increase the times that you say, "thank you" and the times that you praise people for their good work and you may see an improvement in your relationships.

Rule number four:

Learn to receive.

Some people have difficulty receiving complements and gratitude, assistance or anything else. Learn to accept the good that comes to you rather than dismissing it.

If you are praised, say, "Thank you." If you are thanked, say, "You're welcome." Let their words sink in. Hear in their words the fact that you have made a difference in their lives. They are giving you the gift of their thanks and appreciation, so give them the gift of your acceptance of their words.

Rule number five

Offer help where it is needed...

Help out others when you can.

Know when it is unwise to help...

It is unwise to help when helping another will harm you or others and/or you are being asked to do something immoral or illegal.

I am hoping that these five rules help you to have better relationships and a more happy life even if your family is "dysfunctional."

Find a Therapist

2009-04-06T22:28:00.000-07:00

These are photos of a typical therapist's office...

Sometimes we need someone to talk to...

And sometimes a family member or friend may not be the best choice.

When you know that you need someone to talk to and you want someone who can listen to you free of judgement, then perhaps it is time to talk with a therapist.

If you live in Southern California, and you believe that you need therapy, you can contact me or another therapist at Family Service of Long Beach and schedule an appointment or, if you live too far away, and want therapy, contact your insurance company for referrals. If you do not have insurance, then see if there are resources in your City or County. Hospitals, schools, churches, nonprofits, and City and County information lines often will provide information about low cost mental health clinics and therapists who will offer counseling for free or at reduced costs.

Learnings From The Grasshopper...

2009-04-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Gardeners may cringe at seeing this photo of the grasshopper because they eat everything in sight and then move on to eat some more.

They might wonder: what can I learn from the grasshopper?

There is actually much to learn.

The grasshopper has more than one meaning to me...

As a child, I remember watching the old television series: Kung Fu and hearing the Master (teacher) call his student, the child who later became the wandering priest the series was about, "Grasshopper"

I, myself, have been affectionately called, "grasshopper" by someone who was older than me and who was my mentor/teacher... It was a kind and cute term of endearment from that respected older, and wiser person. It made me smile... and I knew where she got that title from... Kung Fu, of course.

So the grasshopper is for me a symbol for a student and learner.

And in life we often play the role of student and learner as well as playing the role of teacher and mentor.

We all have opportunities to provide mentoring and coaching to those who are younger and/or less experienced than us and also have to receive mentoring and coaching from those who are older and more experienced than us. We are lucky to be able to teach and to learn from each other...

Another thing to notice when we look at the grasshopper is its legs which hop and its wings which fly... There is no question that it is capable of moving quickly away from danger and quickly towards places where good food and shelter can be found.

We are like the grasshopper, free and able to hop from one thing to another if we decide that we need to, whether that thing be a place, a person, a thought form, a feeling, a behavior, an attitude, a habit, or something else.

We always have the power and the ability to make changes... We just have to decide to make them and start living as if we have made them for the changes to take place...

Sometimes we forget our inherent potential for change and development.

It is in these times that we sometimes need to talk with someone older, wiser, more experienced than ourselves at navigating life changes whether that person be a friend, a relative, or a person like myself, a marriage and family therapist.

It is good to talk with someone you can trust, someone who will be there for you when you need it and who will give you the sounding board and the advice you need.

Patience Is Rewarded

2009-04-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we wait so long for something...

The long winter comes and then the Spring comes and we hope that with it will come new growth and flowering...

I look at this Japanese Magnolia bush and remember the time that I saw it bare of flowers and leaves...

I love to watch these flowers as they open up their petals to reveal their beauty. They bring me much happiness when they first appear on what then looks like dead branches. The leafing process follows close behind the blooming... Their growth process reminds me of our own as human beings.

So many times, we ourselves have felt dead... or close to it... reduced in our capacity to enjoy life and to love others and ourselves due to our feelings of fear, doubt, guilt, resentment, sadness, and anger...

Yet we, like the Japanese Magnolia, have the opportunity to revitalize and to renew ourselves.

What appears to be dead and lifeless in us is just sleeping...

We have the potential to open up and to fully share our own beauty with the world.

We can make new choices, try new things, meet new people, go new places and think new thoughts...

Opportunities for new growth and development are everywhere we look.

We just have to remain open to them.

In time, we will bloom fully.

Look Around You

2009-04-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

If you want to be happy, pause awhile to really look at the world around you. When you are walking, look down to see the flowers that may be along your pathway. Look up to see the clouds and the sunlight streaming down. You are a part of all of this... Yet you often forget. You have gotten used to rushing. Slow down. Breathe. Just be in the moment. It is enough. You are enough.

Word Gifts

2009-04-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

I offer you words,

like gifts of flowers.

With time,

and with pondering,

they will take root

in the rich soil

of your mind

and will unfold

in your heart.
Peace to all

who travel here.

Peace to all

who read these words.