Pennies in The Fountain

You can make a wish and throw your pennies into the fountain hoping for a miracle.

Yet nothing will change to be even close to what you wish for unless you make a change in what you think, say and do.

Your life, as you live it now, is the result of the previous thoughts and actions made by you and by those around you. Continuing to think and act the same way will only result in more of the same coming to you in the future.

And yet, most people find change to be a bit scary and difficult, especially if it means that they must unlearn a lifetime of thoughts and behaviors.

Change is not easy sometimes.... and sometimes the best way to do it is to take baby steps... small steps towards the goal you wish to achieve.

When a baby starts walking, he normally falls down a lot and his parents give him a lot of encouragement to get up again and to keep on trying until he finally learns how to walk.

As adults and teenagers we have the need to start treating ourselves like good parents treat their little ones. We need to encourage our progress, and celebrate every step forward that we take instead of beating ourselves upside the head with critical self talk for not being perfect or for not being as we wish we were already.

It is wise to write down goals that we want to achieve but sometimes people, especially those who are depressed, tell me that this is overwhelming.... I tell them then "write down what you did. You got up. Write down you got up and put a big check box with a check inside of it. If you showered, washed your hair, got dressed, ate breakfast, write that down too and put a big check or X next to each of those things. Celebrate that you have gotten that done. Then with that feeling of accomplishment, move forward to the next things... See what needs to be done. Do it and then write it on your list. Rejoice in each accomplishment... and you will find that you will, at the end of the day, have a productive day in which you got more done than you would normally have gotten done." I developed this approach and used it on myself after going through losses that left me feeling a bit depressed so I know that this approach works.

If you are one of the people who has a tendency to get overwhelmed with anxiety and to despair because the tasks you have in front of you are too big for you to deal with, then you have options: You can ask for help, if you need it, from someone who is better at dealing with that task than you are, and either pay someone to do it for you, to teach you how to do it yourself, or find something that they do not do well and that you do well and exchange services if that is allowed under the rules of your profession.

Breaking down each task into bite sized pieces is something that should always be tried. When a room has to be cleaned, start at one place in the room like one corner and clean and organize that. Then move from that corner just a little and clean that part. Then clean another small part, etc. And pretty soon you will have cleaned the whole room. Other tasks should be dealt with in the same way.

One of my mentors, Dr. Richard Landis, Ph.D. had this technique that he taught his clients that used one wall, post it notes and a pen... He had his clients write down each task that needed to be completed on post its. He then would have them write down underneath those task post its the steps that needed to be taken to complete the task --- one step on each post it note. He then would have them arrange the tasks from left to right.... the furthest left for the ones that had to be done ASAP and the ones that could be done whenever to the right. It was a system he used himself and he found that if he had a few minutes to spare he could utilize that time by completing a step or two of one task or of several tasks and get that much closer to completing his tasks instead of having a lot of unproductive down time.

You, no doubt, have techniques that you have discovered for getting things done and for keeping your motivation up while you do it.

Whatever you do, make sure that you take time to celebrate your progress as this will increase your progress in the future a lot more than throwing pennies in the fountain.

Remember Your Connection

I am remembering one song that I wrote awhile back in which a woman is saying to a man,"We are a part of the circle of life. Let us take our stand together. All who dwell within the circle of life, let us live with respect for each other, for the world and for its peoples... "

This is now the calling for all people: to think of and to act for the common good of all beings... as all are connected and related, as all are part of the fabric of life and the circle of life.

The days of acting for just "me and mine" are long over. When we can go on the net and read about what is happening in other countries and immediately chat with other human beings who reside in those countries, it becomes impossible to think that we are isolated human beings any longer... We know that we are related and connected to all living beings. We are family.

When we look and see that our actions have a ripple effect, spreading out from one area to the whole world, we are forced to acknowledge that we are responsible and accountable; that we are more powerful than we thought we were, and that we are more able to effect change than we thought.

We may feel frustrated, scared, alone, and wounded but we, even in our weakest state, make a difference to the world around us. We make a difference and are capable of changing our world and the world of all people for the better.

When we try out things out like affirmation, visualization, positive thinking, prayer, acts of charity and compassion, acts of generosity and hospitality, acts of courage and bravery, acts of tolerance and love, acts of forgiveness and peace-making, acts of healing and teaching, etc. we see that the world around us transforms for the better... It is not rocket science. It is just what happens.... When good seeds are sown into the ground, good fruit normally arises.

Yet we as people sometimes forget our power and our ability to change anything. We sometimes have felt limited and weak.

During this economic crisis, many of us have felt like ducking our heads under the blankets at times. We have drawn inwards to take stock of ourselves and our situations and found, much to our dismay, that our situations looked pretty bleak. We have felt tempted to give up... But instead, we have decided to forge ahead, to do what we could do to help ourselves, and to do our best to help others through these times too. We have had to be humble and to ask for help when we needed it... This was not an easy thing to do ... and yet we know that in the past we assisted others and that when thing improve, we will be the ones giving others assistance when they need it. We are aware that we are in a cycle and that things will get better for us and for all peoples eventually with time, patience, believing and hard work.

We are now needing to remember our strengths and learn to reach out more to give what we can, do what we can, remember to praise and thank where we can, intend what we can, and act in the light of the knowledge of Faith. This is not an easy thing to do... It requires sometimes trust in a process that is larger than ourselves, following hunches, being in the flow, meditating and praying and pausing to appreciate the good that occurs.

So take a deep breath... You are a part of the fabric of life. You are connected, related, one with all that is. You are connected to the Creator. You are one with the Creator as His life breath is within you and within all. Breathe in that connection. Let that memory of connection heal the body, the mind, and the spirit, and give you a feeling of gratitude and peacefulness.

Now, focus on the highest good that can be done today with you as the instrument in the Creator's hand... Avoid getting caught up in the thoughts of the fruits or outcomes of the actions... as you are not the doer. Let that aspect of you that is the Soul, that is the spark of the Creator be the doer. Focus then fully on the action at hand. Act as you would were the Creator to be the doer... the best that is possible to act in these circumstances and the most enlightened.

For most people, the place where you are now is where you are meant to be. The people you are with are who you are meant to be with... until you or they leave... serve, love, give, heal, teach, the ones who are around you wherever you are

You will forever be a part of the fabric of life, no less or greater than any other part of creation as all are equally loved. All are equally breathed into being... Remember your connection.

Time

Time passes.

The bud becomes the flower...

The child becomes the adult...

and with that growth comes a new way of seeing

and a new way of being.

Everything is as it should be.

Games

Sometimes, playing chess, checkers, or another game is a good way to have fun with friends, especially if the game is held in a park where there will be exposure to vitamin D from the sunlight.

The checker/chess table shown in this picture is at the Pitcher Park in Orange, California and is often used by the chess players and the picnic goers in the area.

Growth

There is one thing that can be said about all human beings... We are all growing.

We all have the capacity to change, to develop new skills, to form better relationships, and to learn how to give and to receive love fully if we choose to do so.

Wind Chimes

The sound of wind chimes adds warmth to any garden...

The tinkling chimes, whether they be made of copper or steel, are something that brings me pleasure.

With each wind gust, they swing, filling the air with the sound of music.

Consider investing in your own wind chimes. Enjoy the pretty music of the wind breath of life.

The truth

Flowers and seeds...

Sometimes we see something that just looks beautiful to us... the beginning of life, the world in bloom during Springtime, is something that is beautiful to me.

I treasure the memory of springs long past and await many more in the future...

I think of the things that I want to come to pass, the things that I hope will finally be fullfulled... and they make this Spring a time of expectant hope.

I remember the mystery of growth that is taking place all around me...

the frail seeds being planted, and then expanding until they split a part to reach down and root and to reach up and form leaves and flowers...

I think of the process of the growth of a flower and I recognize the painfulness sometimes of the process...

I do not think the seed enjoys leaving the safety and comfort of stasis and entering into the growth spurt that results in its demise as a seed and yet the seed goes through its process of growing apparently without resentment or complaint.

We too go through our own process of growth and change and not all of this change and growth is comfortable for us. We sometimes get hurt by it, resent it and or fight it at all costs thinking that if only we were able to keep the status quo, even if sometimes it is not exactly what we want, we will be happier.

The man who has been complaining about his job for the last 17 years winds up losing it and being unemployed. He is upset and angry. He does not see this as a liberation, no, he sees it as a curse... How dare they do this to him? What happened to repaying his loyalty to the company? He is upset... And yet he may have just been handed a gift in disguise... He may now have the ability to actually do what he always dreamed of doing and did not previously have enough courage to do. And he now may have no choice but to pursue his dream.

One cannot always figure out why changes occur... It is clear though that change is happening in every moment... One of my teachers, a Lakota named Little Crow, once said to me that with every breath there is change, there is the ability to experience more of the death of ego and to open up more to the Spirit, and to breathe out and breathe in consciously taking what is desired into the next moment and leaving the fears, anger, bad habits, resentments, etc. behind. He suggested too that with every breath we breathe out we are all praying and nurturing all living things even when we do not know that we are doing so.

I offer you the possibility that change is afoot... You may know what it is that is changing soon. You may have a change just around the corner that you do not know about yet... I am praying for you that the changes you make be all for your benefit and for the benefit of all that exists.

Scents

There are certain fragrances that evoke feelings of relaxation and contentment. Pictured above is lavender, one of the flowers that has such a fragrance.

Some people recommend that lavender be used on the pillows prior to going to bed to improve the quality of one's sleep.

While others prefer fragrances like vanilla, sandelwood, rose, geranium, etc.

There are so many fragrances to choose from.

Feel free to explore in this area... Go to places where natural oils are sold rather than the artificial oils as the natural oils are less likly to cause any allergic responses.

Purchase a natural oil and then bring it home...

Enjoy it.

Clouds

Sometimes we look up at the sky and see so many things in the clouds...

I saw a smiling face in one cloud and, at the time I shot the photo, saw animal of some sort in the second cloud...

It is fun to be able to look up as much as it is to look down...

to appreciate the beautiful skies at sunset and at sunrise and whenever there are clouds, rainbows, and other weather features...

One of the things that I share with my clients who are struggling with their uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and images is this little song that I wrote:

The mind is like the sky,

sometimes bright and sunny;

sometimes full of rain.

The mind is like the sky,

let the thoughts and feelings pass by.

Let the thoughts and feelings pass by.

You are the sky... The sky remains calm and peaceful...

It refrains from chasing after the clouds that float across it.

It allows the clouds to float without attachment to them.

The clouds of feelings and thoughts

can just float by.

You can be peaceful, calm and contented like the sky

by allowing what is,

by allowing the clouds of thought and feeling to pass by

without grabbing onto them.

Realize that you are more than the thoughts and feelings.

You are stronger and more beautiful than that.

You are the sky.

Stages of life

All through our life span,

we remain

beautiful,

full of goodness,

and worthy of love, tenderness and compassion.

We remain full of the potential to grow, to learn and to experience new things. It is a good thing...

There is, in this culture though, sometimes a tendency to value the young people over the older and the more experienced...

Yet there is much that those who are older can share with the young. The elders have much wisdom based on their lifetimes of experience and learning. They have practical knowledge They have the knowledge of history which can give people roots or a sense of where they came from. They have so many things to share and just need an opportunity to share them...

Today... Take time to talk to people who are older than you are. Ask questions and pause to really listen to their answers without judgement... Do your best to learn from those who are older than you are. Give those who are older than you are respect for having lived long and having survived the journey this far for some day, it will be you who will be the one who is older.

Today, if you are an elder, take the time to talk with someone who is younger than you are. Share your experiences. Share your wisdom without judgement. Provide those who are younger than you are opportunities to learn from you... for it is you who are the guardians of history and wisdom for the young... You are ones who lead them through your words and through your example. Lead well.

A Weed = a mandala

Looking down, I just happened to notice this weed on the ground... perfectly formed and intricate in its growth pattern.

To me, it resembled some of the old fashioned lace doilies that still are used to decorate in shabby chic houses.

And it also is a natural mandala. One can look it and be drawn inwards towards a center point.

The word "mandala" comes from the sanskrit word for circle. Yet it is more than just a circle. It is a representation of totality, of the wholeness within a person, within the Earth and within all that exists.

Focusing at the center point of the mandala and just breathing deeply for a little while gives a person a chance to balance and to be fully in the moment...

Once calmness and peace have been restored, the mind is then free to explore the surroundings more fully... and to savor the next moment.

Water

Our bodies are 65-70% water and yet we have a tendency to take water for granted.

We need about 8-10 8 ounce glasses of water to replace what the body loses in a day... and yet most of us have a tendency not to drink anywhere near that much so we are often operating at a low level of dehydration.

According to:http://www.symptomsofdehydration.com/effects-of-dehydration.htm

"Some of these mild dehydration effects are often, but not limited to:
Thirst
Loss of appetite
Dry skin
Flushing
Dark colored urine
Dry mouth / Cotton mouth
Fatigue / Weakness
Chills
Head rushes

If the dehydration is allowed to continue, when the body experiences fluid loss of 5% the following more severe dehydration effects are normally experienced:

Increased heart rate
Increased respiration
Decreased sweating
Decreased urination
Increased body temperature
Extreme fatigue
Muscle cramps
Headaches
Nausea
Tingling of the limbs

When the body reaches 10% fluid loss emergency help is needed IMMEDIATELY! This level of fluid loss is often fatal! The effects of severe dehydration include:

Muscle spasms
Vomiting
Racing pulse
Shriveled skin
Dim vision
Painful urination
Confusion
Difficulty breathing
Seizures
Chest and Abdominal pain"

Loss of consciousness

I had an episode of dehydration after being outside a lot on Easter Saturday and Easter Sunday, had salty food to eat and drank only beverages with caffiene in them (These caused me to excrete water rather than to retain the water that I needed.) I showed up at Family Service the next day and complained of heat in the head, an odd heart rate, and feelings of pain in various parts of the body. I had no desire to drink anything and was surprised when a colleague told me to drink some water as she believed that I was suffering from dehydration. I was even more surprised when I felt so much better just from drinking some water. I am sharing this information with the hope that others will not have to suffer from this difficulty.

Stop to appreciate water.

Do your best to drink enough good, clean water to replenish what the body loses each day (8 to 10 8 oz glasses of water.)

Pet

Sometimes, there is a need for animal companions...
This is a dog that I met on Monday...
I had never seen him before yet he greeted me as a friend and allowed himself to be petted.
His gentle and kind disposition were a joy for me.
I know that many of those who visit this site have pets or have access to animals that are friendly enough to allow themselves to be cared for and petted.
It is a wonderful thing for the mind and body to associate with the animal kingdom. And those who have pets have lower blood pressure, live longer lives and enjoy life more than those who do not have pets.

Today, take time to appreciate the members of the animal kingdom... and pet a pet.

Sitting

Close your eyes for a moment and relax.
It is enough just to be here, to be alive and to breathe in this moment.
You do not need to have or buy anything for this experience...
Just sit in the simplicity of your own inner spirit and rest awhile.
Meditate, dream, embrace the power of the Now moment.
Savor the sweetness within yourself.
Enjoy the time you spend just being here.
Feel the love and the power that are within you.
Enjoy the feeling of connection to all that is.

Look Up

Sometimes we just happen to look up and see something beautiful above us...

In this case, I saw this turkey vulture with its huge wingspan as it soared high above me with its finger like feathers touching the sky so gently.

The turkey vulture is a bird that many people dislike because on the ground it has an odd appearance with its bare pink head, and mostly because of its associations to death. Yet the Native Americans have called it the golden purifyer and others have honored it because it harms nothing and rids the environment of that which could cause disease and further deaths. Because it feeds only on the dead and not on the living, it is a danger to no one. It is so peaceful that the crows, hawks and other birds soar with it and have no fear of it. Some people have even called it the new Thunder Bird. Others rejoice when they see it arriving as they conduct their various sacred ceremonies to heal the Earth and all of its many peoples as they believe that it is a messenger from the Great Spirit that their prayers were heard and will be answered.

Looking up causes us to see things like this wonderful bird soaring and to imagine perhaps what it would be to be as free and unworried, as this bird seemed as he joyfully soared in the April sky on Easter Sunday.

So today, go outside a bit and look up and around you to see what you notice. It may not be a turkey vulture. It may be a hawk, a dove, a squirrel, a dog, a cat, a seagull, a person smiling any saying "hello" or something else. Go out today and explore your surroundings... Do as my mother used to tell me to do, "Look up, look down. Look all around you." Enjoy the feelings of joy and excitement that such explorations of your environment bring. Have fun!

Rest awhile...

Rest awhile...

Find some running water... a fountain, a brook or an ocean and sit near it...

Listen to the sound of the water...

It is a sound unlike any other.

It soothes the mind, body and soul.

Rest awhile.

Just listen

and let your thirst for inner stillness be quenched

by the sound of the flowing waters.

Off the beaten path...

To see any wild animal is something wonderful in the city.This rabbit was just sitting and feeding on grasses in a park. He did not move for awhile... and I snapped this photo of him from a safe distance. I was thankful that I just happened to go off the path a bit and to see him feeding there... glad too that I had a good camera.

Sometimes going off the beaten path and getting out into nature a bit offers us the gift of the sights and sounds of things that we would have missed otherwise. These memories of nature can be remembered and focused on to reduce the stress of everyday life.

"Life is a box of Chocolates"

In Forrest Gump, the 1994 movie, Forrest Gump said, "My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

I remember hearing about a little girl who used to want to get a clue about what that piece of chocolate was going to taste like without having to cut it in half or to eat the whole thing...

She used the fingernail of her pinkie finger to dig a tiny hole in the bottom of each piece of chocolate just big enough to scoop out a little bit of the filling and to have that one little taste. She then would leave the chocolates she did not like in the box for others in her family to eat... And they did finish up that box of chocolates, that is, if they could get over the fact that there was that little hole in the bottom of each piece of chocolate candy. Thankfully, as she got older, she could guess which piece of chocolate would contain which filling just from looking at the shapes of the chocolates and no longer had to dig into the chocolates to get her answer.

It is human nature to want to know the future... to want to get a little glimpse before choosing door number three or what getting stuck with what is behind the curtain number 4. And we do not have to go to a medium or psychic to get that information... We just have to use our own eyes and ears and our gut feelings or intuitions.

We often get these intuitive rumblings... If we listen carefully to the words of others, we get the sense that things are, or are not okay. We observe someone's eyes moving rapidly when he is telling us that he did not take the money from the purse and we know that he is most likely lying. We hear a man accusing his wife of cheating on him and we know that he is most likely the one who is doing the cheating on his wife. We see a strange car on the block with a young male driver and a young male passenger who is acting strangely and seeming to eye us in an odd and threatening manner, and perhaps we know enough to get inside before the shooting begins because we listen to the feeling that something just is not okay.

We all get these little intuitive news flashes... But we do not always pay attention. The thief who talks a good game sometimes gets believed when he says that he did not take the money even though his eyes are moving wildly. The innocent woman who is being accused of cheating by her husband listens to his words and wonders what she can do to reassure him rather than suspecting him of anything. And the young man who is standing on the street ignores the strange behavior of that passenger in that car driving way too slowly down his street, bends down into his car to get some books out of it and promptly gets shot in the rear by someone who hoped to shoot him dead. ... Unfortunately these are true stories and are not unusual.

We need to slow down a bit and really look around us. We need to hear what is going on, feel the feelings in the gut, honor our hunches more, and to listen to the inner knowings as they come to us... It takes a bit of practice. It isn't always easy to develop the skills of observation and of intuition yet almost anyone can improve in these areas.

I was browsing through the net to come up with good ideas for people who want to improve their intuition and I wound up finding http://www.awakening-intuition.com/ABOUTYOURINTUITION.html ALL ABOUT YOUR INTUITION
...AND HOW TO IMPROVE IT From an interview with Thomas Condon and http://topten.org/public/AG/AG430.html --- Both of these provide good tips to individuals who want to improve upon their intuitive abilities.

Doing some of the exercises mentioned in these articles will help you better hear that "still small voice" which is within you. Once you are able to hear it, you will be more able to use it to live wisely and well.

Voices from the Womb, a book review

Public Domain Photo



One of the things that I have done recently was to re-read a book called "Voices from the Womb" by Michael Gabriel.

I was, once again, astonished to read the reports of people's hypnotic regressions to pre-birth times , to find that their reports of pre- birth memories were validated by relatives, medical records, etc. and to hear how important it is for society as a whole to be aware of the need to insure that the women who are pregnant are given the support and nurturing that they need to insure that the child they are carrying has a good start in life...

It is most important, according to the book, for women and their partners to bond with their unborn children, before their children are born and to communicate love, acceptance, and caring to them.

It is also important to let the little ones know that whatever is happening around them, it is not their fault... and that mom and dad always love them even if sometimes they get angry or saddened by life circumstances.

It seems that, according to this book, unborn children experience the world through their mother's feelings so if you are pregnant, it may be wise to attempt to learn how to do things to relax, to rest, and to calm yourself... Meditation, listening to soothing music (classical works well for many people), walking in nature, etc. are all effective ways to reduce the stress you and your unborn child experience.

Loved ones of pregnant women should do what they can to reduce the stress they put on them and should also do what they can to improve relations with them so that the unborn children will be less exposed to stress toxins and to the surge of emotions which could otherwise be overwhelming to them.


It would be nice if this society began to actively foster the mental health of pregnant women and their unborn children as it does have a big effect on the children's health, development and personality.

I recommend this book as it is eye opening.

https://isbndb.com/d/book/voices_from_the_womb.html

Easter

Today is Easter Sunday, the time when families gather together to go to church and/or to spend time together with activities such as Easter Egg Hunts, Easter Basket Hunts, Easter Parades complete with Easter Bonnets (hats) and plenty of feasting on Easter candy, eggs and other food items.



This is the anniversary day of Jesus' Resurrection... The celebration commemorates the triumph of the Light of Christ over the darkness of guilt and sin; the overcoming of death and the promise of eternal life, and the joy of Springtime.



My family got together to celebrate this day and had the traditional Easter Egg Hunt. The children ran all over the backyard looking for Easter Eggs filled with spare change and then there was the feasting.



I remember now the reason for the day... the promise of hope, of renewal and the need for all us to revitalize our faith and our lives with new understandings, experiences, and ways of being...

It is a time of new beginnings full of optimism and the potential for enlightenment.

Let us begin to revitalize and re-energize our lives and draw encouragement from this Holiday.

Centering

This is the time to pull inward a bit and to mediate, contemplate, pray, and center ourselves as we learn from two faith traditions which are celebrating religious holidays at this time.

Passover:

Jewish people all over the world are continuing to go through the Passover rituals to remember the sufferings of the their people who were captives in Egypt and to experience, first hand, the gratitude of the people who were set free and led to the Promised Land...

There is, a return to the realization that as the Passover song "Dayenu," states, "It would have been enough for us" ... to be led from Egypt, to be given manna or bread from the heavens, to be led to the Promised Land... "It would have been enough"...

If the message of "Dayenu" or "It would have been enough" is internalized in all of our lives, whether we are Jewish or not, it would lead to gratitude... and gratitude is something that causes more good to occur.

It would have been enough if we were just given life... but we were given the ability to see, to hear, to taste, to speak, to read, to talk, to move our bodies, to think, to dream, to do and be and experience so many things... It would have been enough if we had all that but we were given the ability to have people who love us and to be able to love others and ourselves. That would have been enough but we were given the ability to create... That would have been enough but still we are given more... and what do we do with what we are given?

Gratitude and introspection are a part of this holiday season...

Good Friday and Holy Saturday:

People in the Christian Tradition have been praying, fasting, and preparing for Easter as part of the Lenten Season. Yesterday was Good Friday and Today is Holy Saturday... Both of these days are rather sobering as they speak of the suffering and death of Jesus Christ.

I must admit that I, like most people, don't like talking about death and suffering that much.

It is an uncomfortable topic. And especially if the person who is doing the suffering is innocent of any crime and is being unjustly accused, tortured and killed. It is a horrible thing to bear witness to it in the reenactments that took place on Good Friday in many churches. We like to think that we are so much more advanced than those people were who were so barbaric towards Jesus. And yet all over the world, people who are Christians or who are members of other faith traditions are suffering persecution just for believing in what and in who they believe in. We are lucky and blessed here in the United States to be able to practice our faiths, no matter what they are, without reprisal or fear. Do we take this freedom for granted... or are we grateful?

During the Passion, Jesus was made to suffer alone and so intensely that for a moment he lost his feeling of connection to the Creator. In our alone times, we sometimes suffer such pain that we too forget our connection to God, our family and friends. And yet that connection still remains strong. Just when we are ready to lose hope, just when we have given up, someone calls us on the phone, drops in or comes to our assistance and we realize that we are far from being alone or perhaps we suddenly are given the memories of those we love and those who love us and are given the strength to hold on. We have the ability to reach out for help when we need it and to reach out to others when they need it and we need to use this ability to reach out if we want to maintain good relationships.

On Holy Saturday... we have the silence that comes after a storm... the darkness so deep just before the dawn of a new day.

Some people spend their time cleaning their houses, maintaining silence, and otherwise turning the day into a day of meditation and retreat and others get a jump start on the Easter holiday and spend time with their families having Easter egg hunts and baseball games. Yet there is even for these people more of a solemnity about the day than will be felt on Easter Sunday...

It is a time of waiting for the morning and of learning patience.

"It is all so beautiful!"

I remember my Aunt Dell who finally got enough courage to leave Vermont and fly to visit my family in California.

Once she got to Southern California she found the trip well worth it, not just because she was able to spend time with her older sister, but also because she experienced something that she had never experienced before, California's weather.

As we sat together on on the porch in our backyard, I noticed that she was crying...

I asked her why, and she said, "It is all so beautiful!" The sun was shining soft and warm. The hibiscus was in full bloom. Back home, it was all ice and snow... Never had she seen such beauty at that time of year.

Her visit to California and her reactions to it, reminded me then of the fact that when we have something constantly around us, when we live in a certain place, interact with certain people, etc., we can easily forget to appreciate them.

Today, I am pausing now to appreciate what I have, the place I live, the people I have in my life who make it worth living... and the gift that it is to be alive in this place and time... and more.

Take time to appreciate this day!

Doors

We may see a closed door ahead of us,

but if we look around,

we will see many other doors,

Sometimes we need to be alert to see

the other doors that are open...

and other times we need to just be patient

and wait for a door to open.

Have confidence that you will find the best pathway for you and that you will walk through the doorway to your

highest good.

Trust that you are being guided and protected on life's journey and that you are far from being alone, even though sometimes it feels like you are....

You are always loved and always held in the arms of God and those who love you.

There is time

It is good to rest awhile,
to sit and to dream of what could be...
to spend time pondering...
to bask in the stillness of the heart...
There is time
to be here.
There is time
to rest.
There is time
to be here
in this moment,
in this place.

Clinging

Sometimes we hold on to the ledge,

gazing out at the life ahead with dread,

not knowing what it will bring, and not really wanting any more changes.



At times like these, we tend to cling to what we know...



We cling to the ones we love... to the people, the places, the things, the understandings and knowings that are home to us.



And we are lucky or blessed if, when we turn to these, we find them able to respond to our need for comfort and assistance.

In the times that we are so lucky or blessed there can be much gratitude.

At other times, the feelings of lacking and wanting may be strong.

Either way, we need to remember that we are indeed being taken care of, supported, nurtured and loved by all that is around us...

We are far from being alone and are always loved even when appearances seem otherwise.

Friends

Friends come in all shapes, sizes and colors...

There is nothing better than a friend who is present for you, loves you, and listens to your words and, even more, to your heart.

Friendship is something that normally develops with time and requires comitment , loyalty, tenderness and compassion...

There will be times when your friendships will be tested... when emotions will flare high, and when the words and actions of another will cause you pain. And yet, most of the time, you will choose to remain in friendship as there is the joy that comes from togetherness.

There is the wonderful feeling of being understood and cared for that only comes from taking the risk to be vulnerable even to this pain.

Words cannot define or limit friendship... We can call it so many things... Yet its nature remains. The ones we call friends are our family of the heart. They are the ones who love us and who we love... and that perhaps is the only thing that matters.

Pathway

We are all on a pathway,

learning which way to go;

sharing the journey together.

We are all giving to each other

with everything we are,

everything we think,

feel, say and do.

Snowy Mountains

This photo was taken in February when I looking out over the City of Long Beach and towards the distant mountains which were then covered with a layer of white snow...

It is most unusual for people in Southern California to see such sights as we normally do not get this much snow on the mountains and normally have too much smog to see so far off into the distance.

I was glad that I paused long enough to look at this and to appreciate it.
I share it with you to remind you to, look around you... Stop to appreciate the beauty that exists in the natural world, even in the midst of the city life.

You will never know what you will see if you only pause to look.

Inner Light...

We carry our lamps into the world...
the love that we have to give,
the things that we have the potential to become...
And we are all so precious.
We are all so beautiful,
even when we forget who we are
and what we carry within us.
We remain full of this inner light
and we can not help
but to bring it with us
wherever we go.

Reading Time

Pause for awhile to read a good book.

It is such a great way to spend the time.

You can learn so much.

You can explore so many lives in the comfort of your garden, your bedroom, living room or wherever you choose.

Enjoy yourself and your time with the written word.

Surviving in Dysfunctional Families

This poster, made by Mary Engelbreit, hangs in the staff lounge at the Family Service of Long Beach office, far away from the eyes of the clients who go there for counseling...

I like it because it tells the truth... Everyone has a somewhat "dysfunctional" family... but that does not mean that you have to be miserable.

There are ways of getting along with people, even with difficult ones. If you follow these rules, you will have a chance at happiness and at maybe even as putting the "fun back in dysfunctional."

Rule number one:

Speak softly... Yelling and screaming or walking off without saying anything are sure ways not to get your point across...

Name calling, physical violence, excessive criticism, the silent treatment, etc. are all ways of insuring dissatisfaction in your relationships.

Be gentle with others. Say what you need to say but in a way that can be heard...

truthful in your speech but be compassionate and loving first.

Rule number two:

Speak using positive language... Using "Don't" doesn't work well... as most of the time people will do what you don't want them to do without even giving it a second thought... as in "Don't think of purple elephants wearing orange tennis shoes." (You thought about those elephants wearing orange tennis shoes, didn't you?)

If you have a child who constantly forgets to hang his or her clothes in the closet tell that child to hang the clothes in the closet rather than telling the child,"Don't just leave the clothes on the floor."

The human mind normally doesn't pick up the words "no" and "don't" so refrain from using them whenever possible...

Do your best to re-phrase your requests and communications to use positive language...

If you want a bit more chance of getting what you want, ask for what you want rather than what you don't want.

Rule number three:

Speak kindly...

Praise people but keep the praise honest...

"You've been working so hard on that swing Buddy and it really shows. I am so proud of you and all of your hard work." "That was a wonderful dinner Donna. I really loved the sauce you used on those veggies. Could I get a recipe?""Nice work on the report Bob, I think it will do the trick in our negotiations. Thanks."

Gratitude is a wonderful thing. Thanking people when they do something kind for you is a great thing. You like it when others notice your good work and everyone else does too. Increase the times that you say, "thank you" and the times that you praise people for their good work and you may see an improvement in your relationships.

Rule number four:

Learn to receive.

Some people have difficulty receiving complements and gratitude, assistance or anything else. Learn to accept the good that comes to you rather than dismissing it.

If you are praised, say, "Thank you." If you are thanked, say, "You're welcome." Let their words sink in. Hear in their words the fact that you have made a difference in their lives. They are giving you the gift of their thanks and appreciation, so give them the gift of your acceptance of their words.

Rule number five

Offer help where it is needed...

Help out others when you can.

Know when it is unwise to help...

It is unwise to help when helping another will harm you or others and/or you are being asked to do something immoral or illegal.

I am hoping that these five rules help you to have better relationships and a more happy life even if your family is "dysfunctional."

Find a Therapist

These are photos of a typical therapist's office...

Sometimes we need someone to talk to...

And sometimes a family member or friend may not be the best choice.

When you know that you need someone to talk to and you want someone who can listen to you free of judgement, then perhaps it is time to talk with a therapist.

If you live in California, and you believe that you need therapy, you can contact me or another therapist at Family Service of Long Beach and schedule an appointment or, if you are elsewhere in California, click on to: http://www.talklife.com/ and make an appointment with me or another therapist for a telephone session through the talklife.com website.

If you live outside of the State of California, and want therapy, contact your insurance company for referrals. If you do not have insurance, then see if there are resources in your City or County. Hospitals, schools, churches, nonprofits, and City and County information lines often will provide information about low cost mental health clinics and therapists who will offer counseling for free or at reduced costs.

Learnings From The Grasshopper...

Gardeners may cringe at seeing this photo of the grasshopper because they eat everything in sight and then move on to eat some more.

They might wonder: what can I learn from the grasshopper?

There is actually much to learn.

The grasshopper has more than one meaning to me...

As a child, I remember watching the old television series: Kung Fu and hearing the Master (teacher) call his student, the child who later became the wandering priest the series was about, "Grasshopper"

I, myself, have been affectionately called, "grasshopper" by someone who was older than me and who was my mentor/teacher... It was a kind and cute term of endearment from that respected older, and wiser person. It made me smile... and I knew where she got that title from... Kung Fu, of course.

So the grasshopper is for me a symbol for a student and learner.

And in life we often play the role of student and learner as well as playing the role of teacher and mentor.

We all have opportunities to provide mentoring and coaching to those who are younger and/or less experienced than us and also have to receive mentoring and coaching from those who are older and more experienced than us. We are lucky to be able to teach and to learn from each other...

Another thing to notice when we look at the grasshopper is its legs which hop and its wings which fly... There is no question that it is capable of moving quickly away from danger and quickly towards places where good food and shelter can be found.

We are like the grasshopper, free and able to hop from one thing to another if we decide that we need to, whether that thing be a place, a person, a thought form, a feeling, a behavior, an attitude, a habit, or something else.

We always have the power and the ability to make changes... We just have to decide to make them and start living as if we have made them for the changes to take place...

Sometimes we forget our inherent potential for change and development.

It is in these times that we sometimes need to talk with someone older, wiser, more experienced than ourselves at navigating life changes whether that person be a friend, a relative, or a person like myself, a marriage and family therapist.

It is good to talk with someone you can trust, someone who will be there for you when you need it and who will give you the sounding board and the advice you need.

Patience Is Rewarded

Sometimes we wait so long for something...

The long winter comes and then the Spring comes and we hope that with it will come new growth and flowering...

I look at this Japanese Magnolia bush and remember the time that I saw it bare of flowers and leaves...

I love to watch these flowers as they open up their petals to reveal their beauty. They bring me much happiness when they first appear on what then looks like dead branches. The leafing process follows close behind the blooming... Their growth process reminds me of our own as human beings.

So many times, we ourselves have felt dead... or close to it... reduced in our capacity to enjoy life and to love others and ourselves due to our feelings of fear, doubt, guilt, resentment, sadness, and anger...

Yet we, like the Japanese Magnolia, have the opportunity to revitalize and to renew ourselves.

What appears to be dead and lifeless in us is just sleeping...

We have the potential to open up and to fully share our own beauty with the world.

We can make new choices, try new things, meet new people, go new places and think new thoughts...

Opportunities for new growth and development are everywhere we look.

We just have to remain open to them.

In time, we will bloom fully.

Look Around You

If you want to be happy, pause awhile to really look at the world around you. When you are walking, look down to see the flowers that may be along your pathway. Look up to see the clouds and the sunlight streaming down. You are a part of all of this... Yet you often forget. You have gotten used to rushing. Slow down. Breathe. Just be in the moment. It is enough. You are enough.

Word Gifts

I offer you words,

like gifts of flowers.

With time,

and with pondering,

they will take root

in the rich soil

of your mind

and will unfold

in your heart.
Peace to all

who travel here.

Peace to all

who read these words.