It is oh so tempting to keep on working after hours and to keep on staying up and doing things around the house when one really needs to get some sleep.

Yet this kind of behavior sometimes has adverse health consequences.

It is better to honor the body's need for rest rather than pushing yourself beyond your natural tiredness. You may work better on what you are working on if you get some sleep.

Breathe!

Remember, you are here and now alive.
You are not in yesterday or in tomorrow.

Be in the now moment fully.

Breathe.

When things like crowds of holiday shoppers bother you... please refrain from pulling out the pepper spray as one woman in Los Angeles did at a store today. Instead, just breathe.

Remind yourself that everything is okay as it is.
You are alright and can relax and just be in the moment.

Once you do this, you may just find yourself coming up with some really good ideas.
You may find yourself in a state that some people call the "flow state" a state of heightened awareness and energy where the better ideas come easily.

Your being upset and stressed out just makes you tense. You may come up with good ideas but not without a struggle when you are not relaxed.

Breathe.

Life is a rose garden...

When I was a kid , I heard someone singing, "I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes." After hearing those words, I thought for a moment and penned the words above... They remain true today.

Life is indeed a rose garden. Some days you gather roses and other days you gather thorns. No one knows if the thorns you gather today, the things that give you pain today, will become the roses or the things that give you joy, in the future, or if today's roses, the good times you experience, will become the thorns, the bad times that you will have to deal with later.

Is this a bad thing or a good thing?
I would say it is, in the end, a good thing...
even if it does not always look like it.

Sure, we would like the sun to always shine and everything that we gather to be roses, but if that happened we might not appreciate the roses as much. We, who have gathered plenty of thorns in our lives know their value... after the fact.

When a job loss happens, when someone we love dies or divorces us, when we find out that we have an illness and have to work hard to cure it, when we face a large task and don't know how to deal with it, or when we face any number of not so good life experiences, we deal with the thorns of life. We feel the sharpness of the pain of these experiences... That pain stinks. It is true. I will not tell you otherwise.

Life is not always easy. Something there are very painful times. Yet these times do not come without leaving a gift in their stead.


I have seen many people who have experience pain change that pain into something that made them better, stronger, and more loving people..

I am remembering now a mother whose son was killed. She was in a lot of pain after losing her son yet she did not just stay in that place of pain, she turned it into fuel for something else. She decided that no other mother should have to deal with the same pain and worked hard to form a group of women who had also lost sons in her area. She then planned to work with the political leaders in her area to reduce the gang violence that had claimed her son.

Another person I knew was born in poverty, was abandoned by his mother who was an alcoholic,was abused as a child, became a Marine and fought overseas, became an alcoholic and an abuser and seemed to be stuck in that until some elders , older people who were, like him, Native Americans, came into the bar where he was working as a bar tender and, with much love and compassion, told him, "What are you doing? You are sacred, etc. " From those elders, he learned about how everyone is inter-connected and related to everyone and everything else that exists. He learned about his responsibility for everything that happened in his life. He said "later" to the alcohol. He became a marriage and family therapist, a minister, and a professor at a local university despite the fact that he was dyslexic. He became a person who protected the women and the children in the community. He attained 25 years of sobriety. He chose to adopt many people whom he met as his relatives. And when he reached the age of 69 he said, " I look back now at my life, the times of being abandoned, of being abused and molested, the times of fighting, etc. I look back at my whole life and I would not change a thing because everything that I experienced made me who I am today. And I like who I am today."

There are so many other stories I could tell you about real people who encountered adversity and who chose to turn that adversity into something that helped themselves grow as people and into something that inspired them to help others who were going through adversity as well.

If you are going through a hard time now, trust me when I tell you that it will get better. Do reach out and get help if you need it.

If you need a therapist and are in Southern California, then you can ask for me at Family Service of Long Beach, at (562) 493-1496. Family Service of Long Beach offers a variety of services: counseling by Ph.D level therapists, counseling by marriage and family therapists and licensed clinic social workers and counseling by interns and trainee therapists who work under the supervision of a licensed psychologist. The fees at the clinic are very reasonable. The clinic takes insurance, cash and credit.

Many people have been helped by Family Services of Long Beach to go through difficult life events and problems and to create lives filled with love and happiness. I would be more than happy to work with you there to help you do the same.

I have been licensed since 1991 as a marriage and family therapist and have much experience companioning people through stressful times and helping them have more workplace success, happier families, and better life experiences.

My wish for you today, is that you have a life filled with all that helps you to be in the long run the happiest.

Peace to you and much joy too.

In case you need an excuse...

Take time to be kind!

There is, indeed, always time to be kind.
But that does not mean that being kind is always easy.

Sometimes being kind takes some effort.
It takes a bit of effort, when one is preoccupied with life challenges, to help others who have problems.

It takes effort for a parent to refrain from saying or doing something harmful to a child when that child is standing in a store screaming at the top of his or her lungs in the midst of a full fledged tantrum over something that the parent cannot afford or will not purchase.

It takes effort to be kind when one's spouse or significant other does not do what is expected of them, i.e... when they get too busy to fix dinner, when they don't get around to fixing the car, when they don't call when they are supposed to call, when they are late getting home, when they throw clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, when they overload the credit card buying lots of nice Christmas gifts for family members instead of saving money, when they quit their job without notice, when they toss wedding rings in the garbage without knowing it, when they crash the family car, when they forget to use the magic words of "Please" and "Thank you," etc.

It takes effort to be kind... to remember to show affection, to say "I love you!" and to show it by other kind words and actions. It takes an effort to say the words, "Thank you." And, when things do not go the way one would wish, it takes effort to say, "I am sorry. Please forgive me." Saying, "I forgive you" takes even more effort.

Being kind does take some effort...
Yet when you are kind to someone else, as long as the kindness is not seen as an obligation or as being overwhelming, you are being kind to yourself too.

There have been many studies that indicate that when you are generous and have kind feelings towards others, your mental and physical health often improves and that doing kind acts often helps people feel better and happier.

Take some time today to be kind.
You may just find that it makes you feel much happier!

Life can only get better!

Can you relate to this picture? Are you feeling like you are at the bottom now and the only place you can go now is up?
If so, congratulations!

You might be wondering why I say, "Congratulations!" Well, the truth is that if you believe that things can only get better then you have already made big progress towards your goal of getting out of the slump.

Your attitude is important. What you say to yourself is especially important! I cannot stress that enough: What you say to yourself is very important! It can boost your morale or make you feel even worse.

If you tell yourself that things will get better, you will hold on long enough to make it so.

Congratulations to you!

Things will get better. You can count on it!

Happiness is an inside job... Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

You can indeed be happy even when the sky is cloudy...

There is no need to let external circumstances affect your mood if you do not want to.

Your mood is often determined by what you think about things...

If it is cloudy or even rainy out, you can choose to think of it as a good experience or as a bad experience. You can relish and even celebrate the rain or you can hate it. It is all up to you and how you want to deal with the rain.

It is the same for other experiences as well. You choose how you will feel by what you think. You are that powerful. Please, avoid telling yourself otherwise.

I know that there are lots of songs out there that will tell you, "You make me feel," "The way he makes me feel," etc. To believe that another person can make you feel something reduces you into a puppet or into a marionette being manipulated. You are a human being and not a puppet or a marionette. Take back your power to feel what you choose.

If you don't like what you are feeling, think about what you are experiencing differently.
If you don't like your job, think about a worse job that you could have and be thankful that you do not have that job. If you don't have a job, think about what it would be like to have a condition even worse and be thankful that you don't have that condition... Somehow adding a little gratitude to the mix of feelings lightens dark moods a lot.

Look around you, and find reasons to be thankful... There are some people who make Gratitude Boxes by nicely decorating shoe boxes. They then get a stack of index cards and a pen or pencil and place it next to their gratitude box. Then every day, when they are feeling happy and thankful, they write on the index cards about the nice, the beautiful, the fun, the amazing and wonderful things that have happened during the day.

Some write down how beautiful the sunset was, how glad they are to have eyes to see it, how happy they were when they saw a friend, how wonderful it was to have the rain stop so they could go to an outdoor event, how great it was to be hugged by their loved one, how wonderful it was to be able to hold someone's hand, how wonderful it is to be able to talk and hear, how great it was to be able to hear the radio or watch television, how they liked the "skin on tapioca pudding," how they savored that last piece of chocolate, how wonderful it felt to stand under that nice warm shower... They write down anything that made them feel happy, content, peaceful, tender, in awe, momentarily pleased, hopeful, joyful, elated, loving, etc.

Once they write down the things that brought them even a bit of joy the put their filled out index cards inside the box. And when it is a dark or cloudy day emotionally, they start reading the cards and remind themselves of their past experiences of being thankful and happy. If they are capable of reliving these experiences in some detail, they often find that their mood lifts.

The same thing can be done with a Gratitude Book... I know of one woman who gave all of her sisters a beautiful blank book which was carefully inscribed with these words: "Write down at least 5 things that you are thankful for every day." She did this because she knew that it worked well to elevate her mood and she wanted her sisters to feel joyful too.

Happiness is an inside job. No one can make you happy except yourself.

I wish you happiness knowing that it is within you already.

May you choose to enjoy this day! :)

The plumeria plant and its lessons about patience and hope

We all have situations where we wish we had more control of things...
I had one on my front porch...
I had this Plumeria plant that someone had given to me in gratitude and in friendship and for many years it just did not bloom.
I watered it. I nurtured it but...
still no blooms...

I must admit that I did grow impatient. I also experienced some envy because my neighbor's had plumeria plants that were blooming a lot... I jokingly asked her if I could bring my plant over to her plumeria plants "for blooming lessons." We both laughed about my poor plumeria plant's lack of blooms.

I always admired the beautiful green leaves of my plant but did long for flowers so much that I eventually purchased some pretty pink silk flowers to put in the flower pot along with the plant. I joked to my neighbor that by doing this I was "giving my plant blooming lessons".

Time passed. The seasons changed... I got used to the idea of a flowerless plumeria plant...

Then,one day, something happened...

I noticed these little red things forming on a small green stalk... They were buds.

It seemed that finally, my care and attention had paid off... The plumeria was actually going to bloom...

I smiled when the first flower started opening up and I noticed that its color seemed to be very close to the pink color of the silk flowers that I had put into the flower pot next to my plumeria plant... This was very unusual because the person who had given me the plumeria plant had said that the flowers would be most likely white or yellow.

The blooming of my plumeria plant taught me, once again, the need to be patient with the process of growing... in plumeria plants and in people...

We are like plumerias plants in that we must go through stages of growing. We mature at our own speed and take time to develop new skills, to bloom fully, and to see the realization of our cherished dreams and aspirations.

My experience with the plumeria plant taught me to maintain hope... I watered that plant for years hoping that it would bloom... And also about the element of the surprise space... because new growth often happens when we least expect it. We may appear as if we are dormant, stuck orunable to learn or be what we want to become... And yet, beneath the surface, there is something inside of all of us which is pushing us towards new growth and towards the development into our fullest potentials.

The blooming of the plumeria plant brought a lot of joy to me and to others too because I gave away a lot of the blooms to my family and friends.

And after those blooms were gone, still other blooms came and went... All of them were uniquely beautiful...

The plumeria tree is back to its bloomless state again...

And yet I know that when the time is right for it, the plumeria plant will bloom yet again.

And I know that you and I will bloom fully too, each of us in our own perfect time... of that I am certain.

Beyond genetics, pre-birth and its effects

Some say that when we come here to Earth we are like the face above, devoid of anything except raw potential... And yet the truth is that even as little babies we all had our own temperments, tendencies, and even our own likes and dislikes...

When we were conceived, we each received some characteristics from our mothers and fathers. Yet we are not solely the result of genetic factors...
There is something else that was at play as well...
In truth, even if all of the siblings in a family have the same two people as mothers and fathers they can be said to have had different parents as far as their interuterine environment goes.

We all experienced the effects of foods and drinks consumed by our mothers and were affected by the amount of nutrition we received. The effects of this prenatal nutrition are said to last well into adulthood. Research has shown that babies who are born with low birth weights are at a higher risk of getting diabetes and high blood pressure related heart disease and kidney disease and will have to carefully monitor their nutritional status to avoid these conditions as they mature while those who have high birth weights at birth may have a higher risk for developing breast cancer as adults. And, of course, it is well known that exposure to drugs and alcohol in the interuterine environment can cause major problems which can last well into adulthood.


We have all also experienced the effects of hormones in our interuterine environment. We can still see the effects of that exposure by looking at our fingers. Studies have shown that the length of our ring fingers and our index fingers in proportion to our middle fingers is heavily influenced by the amount of testoserine or estrogen in the womb. And this early exposure to those hormones is said to be responsible for our mathematical, spacial and musical skills or verbal and language skills, hetrosexuality or homosexuality, and even our predisposition for diseases like heart disease, breast cancer, autism, dyslexia, etc. http://viewzone2.com/fingersx.html

Our fingerprints developed in the womb... Each one developed in response to the ebbs and flows within the amniotic fluid and in response too from touching the walls of our mother's womb. Our fingerprints remain a lasting testiment to our uniqueness as individuals as even identical twins have different fingerprints.

It is, to me, amazing and wonderful to contemplate the wonderous nature of our development as individuals... even prior to our experiencing the many life events which contribute to our individual life histories.

It is amazing to me that with all of our differences we still somehow manage to relate to each other, to get along with each other and to understand each other as well as we do most of the time... It is really quite a miracle when you come to think of it.

Gotta get some sleep... and what to do when you can't

When night comes, sometimes there is an inability to sleep...
Thoughts of the past, present and future mingle in a strange night time world.



Worries, fears, regrets, sadness, and a anger and frustration at still being awake when others are sleeping are quite common.

At these times, you want there to be someone else who is awake to talk with, someone home to share with...



And when you are alone, the thoughts of distractions from the lack of sleep come. Some people go to the late night movies. Some people read books. Some people get up and do chores. Some people pray. Some just lie awake in bed and hope for the best and others curse in the darkness.

Those who cannot sleep well are under a big tent.According to the National Center for Sleep Disorders Research at the National Institutes of Health, about 30-40% of adults say they have some symptoms of insomnia within a given year, and about 10-15 percent of adults say they have chronic insomnia. And, children and teenagers sometimes experience insomnia too.



The obvious causes of a lack of sleep are things like late night radio or television shows, excessive Twittering or IPoding, Facebook or My Space game playing, scary movies before bedtime, good books, excessive chanting or praying, getting into late night arguments with the spouse or your child, going to Denny's for late night munching, etc. Delaying the sleep time until the wee hours of the morning will not make you get enough sleep.

If your bed is saggy or as hard as a rock and you feel uncomfortable just lying on it, then how do you expect to get some sleep? Make your bed comfortable for goodness sake.

If your room is cold enough to make your head and feet feel like ice cubes or hot enough to make you think that you are in the oven roasting like a potato you might find that sleep is hard to find. Make the temperature comfortable for yourself... Some say that people sleep better if it is a little cooler but frankly it is a matter of preference as some people like to sleep in hot houses.

Too much light in your room can interfere with your sleep as can too much noise... And yet, there are those who will be able to sleep no matter what lights and sounds are in their rooms. (I don't like a lot of light in my room but honestly do not mind the noise or the vibration from the trains that pass by as I am rather used to them. I am so used to them going past that I do not flinch even when there is a 3.0 earthquake as I assume it is just another train.)

Eating spicy foods just before bedtime, can indeed lead to gastric distress when you try to sleep. And drinking liquids close to bedtime or coffee and tea in the evening, can indeed cause excessive urination which will not contribute to sleep either.

One of my old teachers recommended that people have some warm milk before bed... He said to make sure that there was skin on that milk so that one then would be consuming the naturally occurring Tryptophan, that amino acid that gives turkey its sleepy time inducing effects. According to Wikipedia, other Tryptophan sources include: chocolate, oats, durians, mangoes, dried dates, yogurt, cottage cheese, red meat, eggs, fish, poultry, sesame, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, spirulina, and peanuts.
Consuming some of these foods in your evening meal or evening snack if you persist, like me, in staying up a little late, does help induce sleep.

Having a regular wake time and sleep time are highly recommended by most sleep clinic professionals. One told me that the best advice that he could give me to give to my clients was to tell them to get up and get out of bed and then to immediately get dressed and go outside into the morning sunlight and get that sunlight on their face and exposed skin to set their body clock. (Light boxes in the morning work well too if you are in an area that does not get enough morning light.)I later learned that this was good for a lot of people who have a hard time getting to sleep. For those who have a hard time staying asleep at night, sometimes walking at sunset and getting that last sunlight works well too.

If these obvious fixes do not work... Then look at your thoughts and feelings... Are you anxious about something? Is there anything you can do about it in the day time so that you will not have to worry about at night? Would writing it down on a piece of paper or talking about it with a trusted friend or therapist help to ease your mind?

Are you feeling sad and regretful or depressed about the events of the past? Do you need help to forgive yourself or others or to find the treasures in the past painful experiences?

If you have a hard time getting to sleep, then anxiety is normally the culpret in your sleep problems. If you have a hard time staying asleep and wake up in the middle of the night or in the wee hours of the morning, then suspect that you are perhaps more depressed than anxious.

Whether you are having anxiety or depression, getting some help from a licensed mental health professional like a marriage and family therapist like myself could help you.

If there does not seem to be an emotional cause for your difficulty sleeping and if you have ruled other things out, then start looking at your medications...
According to the National Sleep Foundation website,
Medication for the following conditions can trigger insomnia:
"•colds and allergies
•high blood pressure
•heart disease
•thyroid disease
•birth control
•asthma
•pain medications
•depression (especially SSRI antidepressants)"

Pain is a big cause of sleeplessness as are menapausal night sweats, menses, pregnancy, restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea. Talk with your health care professional if you believe that there are physical causes of your sleep problems and ask for a sleep study to rule out things like sleep apnea or other sleep problems as they can really adversely impact the health.

Please refrain from taking sleep medications without exploring other options first. If you are on sleep medications already, the National Sleep foundation said, "Talk to your doctor about the possible side effects of taking hypnotics, such as morning sedation, memory problems, headaches, sleepwalking and a night or two of poor sleep after stopping the medication."

Refrain too from using drugs or alcohol to get to sleep as these will not help you get the rest you need in the long run and could in the end prove more problematic to you than insomnia ever could be.

I am wishing you a good night's sleep and a happy arising in the morning.

Life is a school

It has long been said that life is a school... And I believe this to be true.

We are always learning and always growing in our skills and abilities...


Some children and adolescents are in a big hurry to grow up because they think that when they get older they will be able to do whatever they want. When these children and adolescents come to see me with their parents for counseling, I talk to them about the rules that people who live in an apartment have to follow, like: "You can't make a lot of noise. You have to pay rent. You have to respect your neighbors. You can't just leave things outside,"etc.

Then, I talk to them about having to follow the rules at the office, having to deal with people who are not always nice and having to do what you are told. I ask their parents to tell them something about their jobs and the rules that they have to follow and their supervisors treatment of them... It sometimes comes as a big shock to the young people that they will always have to follow rules, even once they move out on their own.

If they are 16 or older and wanting to get a job but struggling in school, I tell them that their job now is to do well in school. Their grades are their salaries earned from doing their classwork and homework. They then feel a bit better about their role as students.

I often tell the children and adolescents this secret: "If you want to have more time to play or to do what you want, then get your chores and homework done quickly and well before you are asked to do them. And if your parents tell you to something, do it quickly...otherwise you will just have them coming to you over and over again... 'Did you do that yet?'' Why are you just sitting there when I told you to?' and will not be able to enjoy yourself at all."

I often tell the adolescents and children some things that are obvious to adults...
I tell them that their parents were once young people like themselves and that they sometimes feel like adolescents and younger at times.

I also tell them their parents love them and have done the best they could given the fact that they did not get parented the way that they should have and given the fact that the adolescents did not come with any operating instructions...

You'd be surprised how many young people are surprised to hear these things... They are often so caught up in thinking of their parents as "parents" and not as people like themselves.

The most important thing that I tell children and adolescents is this: "your parents, your grandparents and caretakers love you."

"They may yell at you sometimes because they get tired of having to tell you over and over again things like: "Get out of bed is time to get up!" "Turn off that TV!"
"Make your bed." "Eat your breakfast." "Get dressed please!" "We have to hurry or we are going to be late... Get moving." "I expect you to be at home at 3 p.m. and no later." "Call me if you go anywhere.""You cannot have boys (or girls) in the house when I am gone." "It is time to go to school, did you do your homework?"

I tell the children and adolescents, "your parents do this because they love you and want you to grow up to be an adult... to be able to take care of yourself well... They tell you to do chores so that you will learn how to take care of yourself. They want you to know how to wash your dishes, wash your clothes, cook a meal, write a check, budget your money, and meet your adult responsibilities... so that you will be happy, healthy and successful as an adult.

"That is their job and it is not an easy one... They are not perfect at it but they love you enough to try. If they did not teach you these things; if they never nagged at you, told you to do things or taught you things, that would be a clear sign that they either did not care about you or just that they had no idea how to be a good enough parent.

You see, parents are never perfect. They do their best. And I am asking you to do your best just as they are doing their best. If they do something you like, please let them know as that would help them feel better by saying "thank you." Hug your parents and tell them you love them."

Then I tell the parents...

"It is better to speak softly and even to whisper instead of yelling if you want to be listened to as your kids often tune you out when you yell. Be kind to your children.

Praising your children when they do good and rewarding good behavior helps to improve their behavior. Writing down their chores on a chore chart and rewarding compliance helps too.

Asking them to immediately empty their back packs and reorganize them when they arrive home helps them do better in school and might just help them remember to do their homework.

Putting an in and out box in the house where they can put their homework assignments to be checked by you and their permission slips and other communications from the school that have to be signed or read as soon as they walk in the door sure beats finding out things in the morning when you are too rushed to do anything.

It is wiser to let your child or adolescent go to Science Camp or to have the other educational outings that the school goes on than to deny them as these things do impact the school grade.

If your child is sick, do let them stay home but insure that the school is called and that the teachers are contacted so that homework can be obtained and work that is due can be turned in.

If there is a school loop, use it. If not, contact your child's teacher on a regular basis just to insure that your child is getting the best education possibile and that he or she is doing what he or she should do, like going to class,etc.

If you are drinking alcohol or using drugs, you might want to quit that and show your child your struggle in doing so as otherwise you may wind up having a child who abuses drugs or alcohol too.

Do spend time with your children that is not scolding time... Play with your children. Read with your children. Help your children with their homework without completing it for them."

These are just some of the things that I teach my clients in sessions.

And I always remember that I am in this school learning too.

Get help when you need it.

Life seems to come with its share of storms and troubles... A person loses a job and has diffculty finding a new one. A person is ill and in need of medical attention. A person loses a relative and is in mourning...




We all go through these storms and at times all of us will need to seek help from others to cope with them better.

Whether you get help from a medical doctor, a priest or minister, a trusted elder, a friend, a family member or you get help from a licensed marriage and family therapist, please feel free to get help when you need it.

There is no reason to avoid getting help... There are low cost community clinics to help you deal with your medical issues and these sometimes offer free health care under State programs for cancer prevention etc.

And if you need mental health care and cannot afford it, Family Service of Long Beach and other non profit clinics offer lower than normal fees and take most insurance plans too.

Harmonica in Watson's ... the gift of gratitude

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2270/1503152354_4e7990bb58.jpg



I went to Watson's Drug Store awhile back with my friend, and while we were there, we were surprised to see an elderly man in a wheelchair finish eating his meal and begin to play the harmonica.


The first song the elderly harmonica player played was "When Irish eyes are smiling." I smiled and thought of my mother as this song was played as she was 100% Irish American and proud of it. My friend, Mary P. smiled too and thought the song was played for her as she is part Irish too.

The other songs played were: "Cheek to Cheek", "God Bless America" etc.

He played that harmonica well and flawlessly. He brought joy to all of the people in that 50s style diner/ice cream fountain/drug store.

I was impressed with his playing as it was so sure, so well done...

I was even more impressed with his courage.

The harmonica player was older, in a wheelchair, in a restaurant filled with people and he sat at his table, part of the time with his wife, and part of the time alone as she browsed in the store, and played without any apparent self consciousness or nerviousness.

It was amazing to me as I don't know if I would have had the courage to just stand up in a restaurant and sing without being invited and as I don't think many people have the courage that it would take to get up and play their instruments, dance, sing, or whatever, without that invitation either... but he played without an invitation and it was okay, actually it was more than okay. It was wonderful.

I think that all of the diners were happy that he played for them... His courage and wonderful harmonica playing were rewarded...

When he took a short break from his playing, a teen or twenty-something woman dressed in a pull over bedecked with tiger ears and tiger stripes, got up from her table, walked over to him, told him, "Thank you. That was good." And gave him a hug. He smiled. She said, "Goodbye." And he continued playing.

It seemed like they both exchanged wonderful gifts --- He, the gift of his music and the pleasure of playing an instrument which he loved, and she, the gift of her gratitude.

I later thanked him too but knew that the "Thank you" from that young woman, full of feeling, meant a lot more as it was so unexpected and so refreshing... as he could not have expected that a young woman dressed in a tiger pullover would rush over to give him a hug nor could he expect to receive the fullness of her gratitude... It was priceless.

I remember now, that harmonica player... who perhaps can be an inspiration for you and I about courage... As even with physical challenges and old age, he did show up and play... He did not use his age or his disability as an excuse. Nor did he allow them to make him glum and self-centered... No, he instead shared his talents freely and fully... And the world was richer for it.

Will we choose to live fully too... and to share ourselves in good ways with the world? Will we have the courage to create... to play, to sing, to write, to draw, to dance, to speak, to act, to sew, to knit, to make jewelry, to make pottery, to design buildings, to do computer assisted art and drafting... To share ourselves creatively with the world? I am hoping so.

I am also hoping that we are all able to appreciate the people that enter into our lives, if only for a moment, and that we express that appreciation verbally and/or in writing because it does mean a lot...

Life is wonderful.

Creativity enriches life.

Gratitude is priceless.

Love in the City Of Orange Downtown Orange Plaza

On St. Valentine's Day, the Orange Plaza or the traffic circle at the intersection of Glassell Street and Chapman Avenue in Orange was bedecked with hearts and these signs that had the words "No More Broken Hearts."



The signs were a part of a mini protest demonstration against the continuing War in Iraq and some of them also had the names and ages of soldiers who had been killed in the war. On the other side of the street, one lone protester sat with his signs saying "Support Our Troops" and another sign which was a little nuts in that it acccused the protesters of "Supporting Our Enemy."

I went around the circle twice snapping pictures as for some reason it seemed rather poignant to see the signs, especially the ones that remembered the young men and women who had died. They were all so young, much younger than myself. I was old enough to be their mother... How could I help but be touched by that?

It was such a stark contrast to the commercialism of the St. Valentine's Day celebrations...




Here there were the names and ages of those who had, because of love of Country, made the ultimate sacrifice.
And there were those who were out of their love for those men and for our Country saying... Please, end this war so there will not be any more dead ones. And there was another man across the road who was showing his love too in a different way for those men and for our Country too.

It moved me to see this... It reminded me of our mortality as people as all of us will at some time die... and there will be those whose hearts will feel like they are breaking at our passing...

It also reminded me, once again, of the fact that we all have different perspectives and that just because someone has a different perspective than me or than someone else does not mean that they are any less honorable, good, noble or loving...

Each of the people in that Circle that day (including those who were named on those signs) and all of those who like me drove around that Circle, whether or not they even saw the signs, were all part of something very sacred and very present...

All were expressing love in human form, each in their own way...

The signs are long gone from the Circle.
Yet the love that was shared that day and the love that continues to be shared here on Earth every day, never dies as the love is eternal.

That inner voice of wisdom...

Recently, I found myself saying out loud, "We really do not think you need to worry."
And I realized that I had been worrying about things that could happen or that I feared would happen...
Those words came from that higher part of myself, the nurturing part of myself and were very special to me...

I smiled, thinking "Yes I can stop worrying..."

I asked myself, "what is the appropriate thing to do?" and got from that deep place in myself, "right action... that is acting appropriately in the moment."

Oh right action... not avoidance, not trying to control the outcome, I thought.

"We have no control," said that inner level... not over the other people in ones life, not over this situation as it is now...

I thought too.. now is not the right time to act... as there is nothing that can be done right now...

I breathed deeply and felt better as the freedom from worry about that situation was enough to liberate me for that moment so other things could be done.

We all have these inner thoughts... There is that positive and life giving force within us which has the answers...

We do not have to get caught up in the worries and fears... There is the ability for us to self parent and to trust the process of our growth and development, to trust the process of life as it comes.

We can choose to listen to the thoughts that say "you are good." "Things will work out." "You can do this or something better will come up to be done."

The thoughts I am referring to are by nature compassionate, loving, gentle, humorous and nurturing.These come from the Inner Self or the Higher Self.

Avoid listening too much to any thoughts that are negative, fear provoking, or ones that would if followed cause you to do something harmful to yourself or others as these thoughts are meant to be rejected as trash as they are trashy thoughts.

Life... the phases we go through... It is all just ducky :)

Sometimes, we love to be in the company of others, and enjoy the diversity we see around us so much.

As we see the beauty in ourselves, we see the beauty in all others and the light in all we see.

Other times though, we feel alone and different... separated from others by our own thoughts and feelings...

Or we get caught up in the dance of relationships, trying to impress or please, trying to learn how to love or to be in love, trying to make lasting bonds with others of friendship, marriage or whatever...

Sometimes we get so caught up in being with and living for other people that we just need to spend a little time deciding what is important to us. We need time to dig in and notice what is going on in our watery feeling level...

Until we feel like we have gotten a feeling for what we want, need and feel...

Sometimes this inward focus gives us the realization that we need to go deeper within for awhile to take care of spiritual needs so we may choose to meditate, to pray, or to do another spiritual practice.

This may give us the feeling that we are capable of maintaining some form of peace even in the midst of a world of changes...

And it just may make us realize that we are more connected with others and perhaps not so different after all.

Awe and wonder in the present moment

Sometimes we get a glimpse of how big the world is and how big the universe is...

We then are awe struck by the greatness of all that is around us...

At these times, our concerns and worries drop of us, like water dripping off of a duck's back.

Sometimes the wonder and awe at being out in nature is enough to make us smile and even to be in an estatic state...

But at other times, it takes awhile to get over the physical stress that comes from the bad hair days,

the work/ life issues, and the other concerns that

we at times think are so important.

We then need to return to the present moment,

to really look at what we are seeing,

to really listen to what we are hearing,

to feel the ground under our feet, the wind on our backs,

to ground ourselves in the here and now...

so that the wonder has a chance to take us up in its arms

and sweep us away into the bliss of the now moment...

where we can finally soar.

The reality of change

We cannot remain forever on the shore, nor forever tethered to the past and to what we used to know and be.

There comes a time in all lives, and usually many times, when change comes to knock on our doors and to demand our full presence and attention.

Usually, the change that comes is unexpected, and sometimes it is well loved and other times it is not... Whether or not we like the change... It is present. It is here... and it is all around us.

Some of these changes may be something like this:A person we love is going through his or her own struggles and seems not as available to us. Financial problems that have become severe seem to drag on and on. Health concerns crop up. And on the spiritual level there is a wondering about what does it all mean?

And sometimes there is the child within saying, "Will I survive?" While the parent self says, "There, There now. It will be okay... You'll see. It will be okay. Let go of the worries and the fears. It will be okay." And the adult self thinks, "What can I do now? What is left to be done in this situation? How can it be managed? I will to conquer this. I will to make it work... It will eventually... Oh God, I hope it will."


There is within all of us a drive for growth and development that sometimes gets a wee bit constricted by the competing desire for comfort and sameness... and when we have been lax for awhile, not pushing ourselves enough to grow, then there is the arrival of these challenges to get us moving again. And they do their work for our soul growth and our development as people.

We can choose to view them as we wish but when they crop up, there is the reality of something that must be looked at and dealt with... And there is in that dealing with them, something that comes within us, perhaps an inner strength or knowing, perhaps a feeling of mastery and of new found confidance...

Always there are gifts in the process of discovering our own inner capacities to deal with things that we have not always wished to deal with... This is the truth of our being... Life brings change yes and we rise to meet it and grow in this meeting for the better even if sometimes we are at first unable to find anything positive in the experience.

We see the world as we are on the inside...

When we look around us at the world, we are normally only seeing a reflection of our own selves in what we see.

If we are happy, then those around us seem to be happier.

If we are loving, then those around us seem to be more loving to us.

If we are treating ourselves unkindly in our thoughts, then we may find that others treat us unkindly.

If we are angry, we will most likely find more in others to be angry at.

If we are sad, we may find more in the world to inspire our sad feelings...

This is perhaps why Jesus' command was "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Without that love for ones own self, it is difficult to love another well.

Self abuse, self hate, wallowing in guilt over past actions that cannot be undone, fearing what may be, holding grudges against ones own self ... These are all behaviors that limit or inhibit the ability to love anyone else fully as they tend to make a person more self-centered, and more focused in on themselves in a bad way than they would be if their thoughts about themselves were more benevolent.

It is difficult to reach out to give another a hug if ones hands are busy beating up on oneself over the past or if one is doing ones best to hold on to things or to hide in a vain attempt to ward of the future.

The truth is that beating ones self up like a punching bag or calling ones self names like a kid on the playground will not instill good behavior in yourself. Remembering the past over and over and getting stuck in it will sabatoge your ability to do better in the future. And certainly fearing the future does not get you any where good unless you are one of those people who thrives on planning for every possibility, like the writer of the book on how to survive anything.

So, today... Let go of the guilt over the past. Let go of the fear... And just be present in the now.

Accept the truth that you are known and loved by something greater than yourself whether that something is your Higher Power, God, Creation, the Mother , the Creator, Light, Love, Energy, or something else.

Breathe in that love and act from that... Carry that with you and give that to those you meet... It is what is best for you and for everyone...

Peace be to you now.

We are powerful

Sometimes we forget just how powerful we are...

Just as pebbles thrown into a pond send ripples throughout the pond... our thoughts, words and actions affect the world around us.

Pennies in The Fountain

You can make a wish and throw your pennies into the fountain hoping for a miracle.

Yet nothing will change to be even close to what you wish for unless you make a change in what you think, say and do.

Your life, as you live it now, is the result of the previous thoughts and actions made by you and by those around you. Continuing to think and act the same way will only result in more of the same coming to you in the future.

And yet, most people find change to be a bit scary and difficult, especially if it means that they must unlearn a lifetime of thoughts and behaviors.

Change is not easy sometimes.... and sometimes the best way to do it is to take baby steps... small steps towards the goal you wish to achieve.

When a baby starts walking, he normally falls down a lot and his parents give him a lot of encouragement to get up again and to keep on trying until he finally learns how to walk.

As adults and teenagers we have the need to start treating ourselves like good parents treat their little ones. We need to encourage our progress, and celebrate every step forward that we take instead of beating ourselves upside the head with critical self talk for not being perfect or for not being as we wish we were already.

It is wise to write down goals that we want to achieve but sometimes people, especially those who are depressed, tell me that this is overwhelming.... I tell them then "write down what you did. You got up. Write down you got up and put a big check box with a check inside of it. If you showered, washed your hair, got dressed, ate breakfast, write that down too and put a big check or X next to each of those things. Celebrate that you have gotten that done. Then with that feeling of accomplishment, move forward to the next things... See what needs to be done. Do it and then write it on your list. Rejoice in each accomplishment... and you will find that you will, at the end of the day, have a productive day in which you got more done than you would normally have gotten done." I developed this approach and used it on myself after going through losses that left me feeling a bit depressed so I know that this approach works.

If you are one of the people who has a tendency to get overwhelmed with anxiety and to despair because the tasks you have in front of you are too big for you to deal with, then you have options: You can ask for help, if you need it, from someone who is better at dealing with that task than you are, and either pay someone to do it for you, to teach you how to do it yourself, or find something that they do not do well and that you do well and exchange services if that is allowed under the rules of your profession.

Breaking down each task into bite sized pieces is something that should always be tried. When a room has to be cleaned, start at one place in the room like one corner and clean and organize that. Then move from that corner just a little and clean that part. Then clean another small part, etc. And pretty soon you will have cleaned the whole room. Other tasks should be dealt with in the same way.

One of my mentors, Dr. Richard Landis, Ph.D. had this technique that he taught his clients that used one wall, post it notes and a pen... He had his clients write down each task that needed to be completed on post its. He then would have them write down underneath those task post its the steps that needed to be taken to complete the task --- one step on each post it note. He then would have them arrange the tasks from left to right.... the furthest left for the ones that had to be done ASAP and the ones that could be done whenever to the right. It was a system he used himself and he found that if he had a few minutes to spare he could utilize that time by completing a step or two of one task or of several tasks and get that much closer to completing his tasks instead of having a lot of unproductive down time.

You, no doubt, have techniques that you have discovered for getting things done and for keeping your motivation up while you do it.

Whatever you do, make sure that you take time to celebrate your progress as this will increase your progress in the future a lot more than throwing pennies in the fountain.

Remember Your Connection

I am remembering one song that I wrote awhile back in which a woman is saying to a man,"We are a part of the circle of life. Let us take our stand together. All who dwell within the circle of life, let us live with respect for each other, for the world and for its peoples... "

This is now the calling for all people: to think of and to act for the common good of all beings... as all are connected and related, as all are part of the fabric of life and the circle of life.

The days of acting for just "me and mine" are long over. When we can go on the net and read about what is happening in other countries and immediately chat with other human beings who reside in those countries, it becomes impossible to think that we are isolated human beings any longer... We know that we are related and connected to all living beings. We are family.

When we look and see that our actions have a ripple effect, spreading out from one area to the whole world, we are forced to acknowledge that we are responsible and accountable; that we are more powerful than we thought we were, and that we are more able to effect change than we thought.

We may feel frustrated, scared, alone, and wounded but we, even in our weakest state, make a difference to the world around us. We make a difference and are capable of changing our world and the world of all people for the better.

When we try out things out like affirmation, visualization, positive thinking, prayer, acts of charity and compassion, acts of generosity and hospitality, acts of courage and bravery, acts of tolerance and love, acts of forgiveness and peace-making, acts of healing and teaching, etc. we see that the world around us transforms for the better... It is not rocket science. It is just what happens.... When good seeds are sown into the ground, good fruit normally arises.

Yet we as people sometimes forget our power and our ability to change anything. We sometimes have felt limited and weak.

During this economic crisis, many of us have felt like ducking our heads under the blankets at times. We have drawn inwards to take stock of ourselves and our situations and found, much to our dismay, that our situations looked pretty bleak. We have felt tempted to give up... But instead, we have decided to forge ahead, to do what we could do to help ourselves, and to do our best to help others through these times too. We have had to be humble and to ask for help when we needed it... This was not an easy thing to do ... and yet we know that in the past we assisted others and that when thing improve, we will be the ones giving others assistance when they need it. We are aware that we are in a cycle and that things will get better for us and for all peoples eventually with time, patience, believing and hard work.

We are now needing to remember our strengths and learn to reach out more to give what we can, do what we can, remember to praise and thank where we can, intend what we can, and act in the light of the knowledge of Faith. This is not an easy thing to do... It requires sometimes trust in a process that is larger than ourselves, following hunches, being in the flow, meditating and praying and pausing to appreciate the good that occurs.

So take a deep breath... You are a part of the fabric of life. You are connected, related, one with all that is. You are connected to the Creator. You are one with the Creator as His life breath is within you and within all. Breathe in that connection. Let that memory of connection heal the body, the mind, and the spirit, and give you a feeling of gratitude and peacefulness.

Now, focus on the highest good that can be done today with you as the instrument in the Creator's hand... Avoid getting caught up in the thoughts of the fruits or outcomes of the actions... as you are not the doer. Let that aspect of you that is the Soul, that is the spark of the Creator be the doer. Focus then fully on the action at hand. Act as you would were the Creator to be the doer... the best that is possible to act in these circumstances and the most enlightened.

For most people, the place where you are now is where you are meant to be. The people you are with are who you are meant to be with... until you or they leave... serve, love, give, heal, teach, the ones who are around you wherever you are

You will forever be a part of the fabric of life, no less or greater than any other part of creation as all are equally loved. All are equally breathed into being... Remember your connection.

Time

Time passes.

The bud becomes the flower...

The child becomes the adult...

and with that growth comes a new way of seeing

and a new way of being.

Everything is as it should be.

Games

Sometimes, playing chess, checkers, or another game is a good way to have fun with friends, especially if the game is held in a park where there will be exposure to vitamin D from the sunlight.

The checker/chess table shown in this picture is at the Pitcher Park in Orange, California and is often used by the chess players and the picnic goers in the area.

Growth

There is one thing that can be said about all human beings... We are all growing.

We all have the capacity to change, to develop new skills, to form better relationships, and to learn how to give and to receive love fully if we choose to do so.

Wind Chimes

The sound of wind chimes adds warmth to any garden...

The tinkling chimes, whether they be made of copper or steel, are something that brings me pleasure.

With each wind gust, they swing, filling the air with the sound of music.

Consider investing in your own wind chimes. Enjoy the pretty music of the wind breath of life.

The truth

Flowers and seeds...

Sometimes we see something that just looks beautiful to us... the beginning of life, the world in bloom during Springtime, is something that is beautiful to me.

I treasure the memory of springs long past and await many more in the future...

I think of the things that I want to come to pass, the things that I hope will finally be fullfulled... and they make this Spring a time of expectant hope.

I remember the mystery of growth that is taking place all around me...

the frail seeds being planted, and then expanding until they split a part to reach down and root and to reach up and form leaves and flowers...

I think of the process of the growth of a flower and I recognize the painfulness sometimes of the process...

I do not think the seed enjoys leaving the safety and comfort of stasis and entering into the growth spurt that results in its demise as a seed and yet the seed goes through its process of growing apparently without resentment or complaint.

We too go through our own process of growth and change and not all of this change and growth is comfortable for us. We sometimes get hurt by it, resent it and or fight it at all costs thinking that if only we were able to keep the status quo, even if sometimes it is not exactly what we want, we will be happier.

The man who has been complaining about his job for the last 17 years winds up losing it and being unemployed. He is upset and angry. He does not see this as a liberation, no, he sees it as a curse... How dare they do this to him? What happened to repaying his loyalty to the company? He is upset... And yet he may have just been handed a gift in disguise... He may now have the ability to actually do what he always dreamed of doing and did not previously have enough courage to do. And he now may have no choice but to pursue his dream.

One cannot always figure out why changes occur... It is clear though that change is happening in every moment... One of my teachers, a Lakota named Little Crow, once said to me that with every breath there is change, there is the ability to experience more of the death of ego and to open up more to the Spirit, and to breathe out and breathe in consciously taking what is desired into the next moment and leaving the fears, anger, bad habits, resentments, etc. behind. He suggested too that with every breath we breathe out we are all praying and nurturing all living things even when we do not know that we are doing so.

I offer you the possibility that change is afoot... You may know what it is that is changing soon. You may have a change just around the corner that you do not know about yet... I am praying for you that the changes you make be all for your benefit and for the benefit of all that exists.